


A Fiery Refusal To Bend: The Life Of Valaria D'Evaliste

by AllesandraQ



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Angst with a Happy Ending, Antiva, Antivan Crows, Assasination/Crows, Background Relationships, Background Warden (Dragon Age), Background Zevran Araini, Backstory for original character in the world of a Warden, Child Abuse, Drama, F/M, Gaslighting, Gen, Grooming, M/M, Original Character Death(s), Original Female Character: Valaria D'Evaliste, Original Female Characters - Freeform, Original Male Character: Deyros, Original Male Characters - Freeform, POV Multiple, Psychological Drama, Slavery, This is a dark and angsty as hell story, Tragic Romance, Trauma, Worldbuilding, but before that comes the angst, there will be an eventual good ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-14
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2019-07-12 00:31:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 30
Words: 41,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15983774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllesandraQ/pseuds/AllesandraQ
Summary: Valaria D'Evaliste was nine years old when her manifesting magic caught the attention of the Crows.An offer was made to her mother, an impossible choice was made. A bag of coins for her child—a sin, but a way into a better life. Or so she was toldThe world of the Antivan Crows however, is a dark and dangerous world, where if one refuses to conform, is even more so.Valaria D'Evaliste- An elven mage who was sold to the Crows, but chose not to bend.Her story- from Crow to Warden.Here is her story.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This first chapter is everything I world built on the Crows and Antiva, with help from the wiki and my own headcanons mixed in.

Information combined from Wiki and Headcanon

 

**Official Formation Of The Antivan Crows:** Between The Divine  and Glory Ages.

 

**Per the Wiki** : The Crows started as an arm of the [Chantry](https://dragonage.wikia.com/wiki/Chantry). In the hills north of Treviso, an order of monks used the herbs grown in the gardens of their abbey to oppose the rule of a despotic duke in the only manner they could.

**Headcanon:** Seven Monks and a Maidservant were the Founders of the Eight Houses of Crows. 

 

**Hierarchy:**

  
**Talons-**  per the wiki: There are 8 of them- They are the top of the leadership chain of the Crows. Notoriously hard to get access to.  Antivan Crows who achieves the rank of Talon are given a ceremonial dagger from the Guildmaster and sent to assassinate a target using that dagger alone. The greater the risk, the greater the good omen for the Talon's future.

**  
****Per the wiki:** **Guildmaster-** A leader of the Crows- specifically a House and Guild itself.   
**  
**

**(Under the guildmaster is two handpicked Masters as his apprentices)** **(headcanon)**

 

**Per the wik** **i: Master-** A high ranking assassin who takes, accepts and handles high risk contracts. **  
** **  
** **Wiki;** **Assassin:** The rank and file of the House and Guild. They survived the training and have completed a set amount of assassinations, each one different depending on the House and Guild, to earn the title. In order to be a master, they must take a high risk contract and complete it within a set period of time.

 

**Headcanon: Lower Ranks:**

**  
****Nuova Recluta- (New Recruit)** Just recently brought **  
** **  
** **Relucta Addestra (Recruit training)-** Been there for about a year

**Apprendista Assassino:** Has been through training for 3 years and is apprenticing under a chosen Assassin

**Headcanon: An Unofficial Rank that’s known to anyone by sight as those with this rank have a marking in a visual area- on an arm, hand, cheek, back of the neck(if they have short hair and if it’s on the back of the neck they are forced to keep the hair short) - It’s usually an insignia of the House the person belongs to.** ****  
**  
** **Ut Doceri-** It means this person, while being given the training of the Crows, remains stubborn, nonconforming, and refuses to break and swear loyalty. It means they have still been deemed useful, and therefore have not been killed. That they have to be broken and **will be broken.** It means To Be Taught, as in still in need of lessons, essentially permission to those of the higher ranks to impart a ‘lesson’ on them if they see fit. 

This mark is branded into the skin, magically, and enchanted- therefore cannot be removed until the Ut Doceri finally breaks and swears loyalty to their House, Guild and Crows. 

**Houses:** Each house is considered a family-(although family is a very loose term)  each Crow in that House takes the name of the House when they achieve the status of Assassin

**Each House has 2 Guilds- Alto Rango (High Rank- Assassin, Master) Grado Minore (Lesser Rank- Apprentices, Recruits, and New Recruits) The Guildmaster oversees these two Guilds with his apprentices.**

 

**The population of each House typically and on record for their ranks, has 100 Crows-**

**As for recruits- they usually have a constant rotation of about 30-40 recruits every few months.**

 

**70 Assassins- (aka: Rogues)** ****  
  


**20 Fighters (Warriors)** ****  
**  
** **10 Casters- Mages.**

**  
** **No House or Guild must have more than 10 official mages, and 2 of them must be of the skill that is similar to a Senior or First Enchanter. One must be explicitly a healer, and the others trained explicitly in spells of offense and defense, or primarily one or the other depending on where their talents lie. Mages are typically brought in as Apostates on the run from the Chantry (Blood Mages are encouraged to find), mage children bought off from families before they are found and sent to a Circle, or mages given permission to work for the Crows. (Permission is usually given while a knife is pressed to one throat.)**

**If a House deems a need for more, especially for any sort of high risk large job, they must not risk more than 4 of their own and must borrow from other Houses, and recruit from the Circles.**

**Houses-**

 

**Higher Ranking Houses: 8: Eight Talons, Eight Major Houses.** **(that’s wiki)**

**Lesser Ranking Houses (** Per the wiki Cuchillos, the Knives) : These are Houses that are not as distinguished.Their Guildmaster ultimately answers to the Guildmaster and Talon of the Higher Ranking house.  Each house has between 30-60 Crows on record while also helping train new ones.

 

**The Eight** **: (mix of wiki and headcanon)** **  
** **  
** **House of Arainai-** The House most well known for the eventual Oathbreaker that is Zevran Arainai. Is well known for their cruel and harsh training practices. 

**House  of De La Asha-** Officially named after Queen Asha. All female. Believes in the Code, believes they are Servants to Antiva, and judge anyone who breaks the Code with distaste and contempt.  Their Talon and Guildmaster are mages- blood mages, as well as their other mages.

**House of  Valisti:** Similar to Arainai and D'Evaliste, well know for their cruel and harsh training methods, as well as being behind the plot that took Rinna Arainai's life. 

**House of D’Evaliste-** Like Arainai, most well known for their cruel and harsh training methods, which have a high death rate of newly bought recruits. Was the first House to create the Mark of Ut Doceri and pride themselves on being able to break the most troublesome and insolent of recruits. Most famous Crow was one that fought in the Fourth Blight with Warden Garahel.  
 **  
** **House  of di Bastion** **:** Most well known for one of their own killing King Guiomar the Younger - who  claimed a Maker-granted right as judge and executioner, he personally executed those he decreed guilty. Assassinated by the Antivan Crow Callisto di Bastion in 4:22 Black. When it comes to assassinating royalty- whether Antivan or in other countries, they are usually the ones that get the contract first- but they have been known to pass on some if they are deemed “unsuitable.” Their training processes are usually considered the kindest - not much of a consolation however.

**House of  Lanos-** The founder of House Lanos, was the one that created the Crows’s Code of Honor in regards to contracts and the killing of marks. They also helped develop one part of the training system that came about a few centuries later: buying ‘unwanted’ children, slaves, and other young moldable prospects. One of the Crow’s from House Lanos was the one that paid the Brothel that gave them Zevran- after Zevran caught the attention of Guildmaster Talav of House Arainai. 

**House of Repose:** The oddity of the Houses. The most reclusive. Not much is known of it’s recruiting nor training processes. Does not buy slaves, childrens. Their contracts tend to be the most baffling, puzzling, sometimes convoluted, or odd, but they developed a reputation for always taking great detail with every condition and if a contract calls for something that may only happen perhaps fifty years after the contract is made, they fullfill it. They never break or fail. The Talon of Repose is the least seen or spoken too of all the Talons.

**  
****House of Volpe:** Volpe is known for their the signature they leave at every hit: A Fennec tail. Also they primarily recruit humans,  although they have turned some ears for being the only House to have a Dwarven Talon and a Dwarven Guildmaster, two surface Dwarves that were exiled from Orzammar twenty years ago and were recruited by the Talon the current one replaced.

 

**More headcanon:** **The Lesser Houses: There are twelve of them. There are always two Lesser Houses that work with each of the Eight, and are not as big as the Eight. They usually have no more than 30-60 Crows, and usually no mages. They tend to take the basic,simple contracts while the Eight are given the best ones. Their Guildmasters ultimately answer to the Guildmasters of the Eight. When a Crow reaches the rank of Assassin, their work is reviewed, and if found lacking or unsatisfying (despite completion) they are sent to the Lesser Houses- they are the mediocre of their brethren.**

**Each House and the Lesser Houses that answer to them have developed their own inside culture, rules, behaviors. But the Crows themselves, as an Organization, follow what they call Codic d’onore, or Code of Honor- An assassin is held to the standards that have been brutally trained into them and they must follow it in regards to how a contract is taken care of as well as the Mark.**

 

**Failing High Risk contracts are generally a means of death if the Crow hasn’t been killed by a mark.**

 

**Each House has multiple strongholds and safe houses throughout Antiva, Nevarra, Ferelden (although most have been burned out/destroyed in Ferelden)Orlais, the Free Marches, and Tevinter.**

  
  


**Each House has a Sanctuary in every country: A small holding, where they have reps from each house, doing only observing/reporting, and being the eyes, ears for their Houses, as well as smoothing the process of getting other Crows into the country.**

 

**The Crows prize education, and they have tutors for their child recruits- The children are taught how to read and write in many languages, as well as taught many subjects. However mages have their magical training restricted, usually to what they deem is needed or if a talent is there and encouraged. They do their best to educate, but also isolate- they need to be able to go out in the world on their Contracts and do what is required of them, but they also want to keep tight control over matters.**

 

**Each House also has a group of people  that are ultimately the ones that dish out the training and discipline.**

 

**The Vedere** **-** To See. This person is the one who oversees the trainers, disciplinarians, and the recruits.

 

**The Premiare-** To Reward. Those who succeed in their lessons are rewarded. They go to the Premiare.

 

**Five Allentores** **:** **Trainers-** they each specialize in different aspects of what is required to be a Crow trained Assassin or a Crow trained Mage. Warriors who are part of the House are usually adults who have received their own training and therefore do not need it- they are mostly used as bodyguards for the Guildmaster and Talon, and for the grounds of their estate/safehouses/strongholds. They also work had to ensure and instill loyalty to the House and to the Crows.

 

**The Ricordare** **-** (translation: to remind): The first step in discipline- verbally. To remind the one in need of discipline that they are the property of the House, the Crows. To remind them of their purpose.

**  
****Il Punitore:** **(translation: The Punisher)** \- A Disciplinarian. The first line of physical discipline.

 

**The Negare** **(translation: Deny):** Disciplinarian- Tends to be part of the physical discipline as well as the mental discipline with the Ricordare.

 

**La Frusta** **-** **(translation: The Whip. )** A disciplinarian that is considered the next step in physical discipline.

**  
****The Marca** **\- (to brand, or to mark):** This person is used to mark the Ut Doceri- declaring the recruited member to be unruly and to be taught as needed. They are the only ones who know the enchantments that make the mark, and that bind it permanently to the skin- so therefore the only one that can remove it upon the Ut Doceri finally breaking and swearing loyalty.   
  


**Extra info: While certain Houses discourage romantic relationships between Crows, they are not forbidden to get married- as long as it is not to another Crow, and especially not to a Crow from another House- it would be considered split loyalties. But the ones that do get married, they know where they loyalties lie: The Crows and Antiva first, their spouse/lesser ‘family’ next.**

 

**Type of Recruits:** **  
** **  
** **The Crows recruit in two different ways:** **  
** **  
** **Those who have been bought:** From the Alienages, from the slave market auctions, from the surface Carta, taking advantage of the poorer families in Antiva,the border towns of the countries they border, as well as from the streets, orphanages- The ones they don’t buy are the ones they take in from purges in the Alienages of Antiva. They generally do not wish to kill someone to get access to a child they see potential in, but if they must, they do so.  If they do buy children in other countries, they do not buy many and usually go through middlemen to do so.

 

**Legacies:** These are children who are not bought or sold, but come to the Crows already indoctrinated into the Culture. These are Antivans who have family members who are Crows, or have grown up on stories of the Crows- Keep in mind Antivan culture is very proud of who they are- The Crows are part of the reason Antiva hasn’t really had to worry about invasions. (per the wiki) they are not a secret organization, they are known. So imagine growing up in a family that has relatives in the Crows, and they hear stories about how their Crow relative is serving Antiva and protecting Antiva.

**  
Also legacies come from the descendants of the Founders of The Crows- The monks that originally banded together to kill a tyrant.**

****  
**So their recruits are 50/50- 50 percent bought, 50 percent proud and loyal Antivan children, raised on stories of the Crows.**   
  
  


**Il Codice di Condotta D’onore- The Honor Code of Conduct For Crows**   
  


**While each House has their own code of conduct, there is also the First Code- A Code that the Founders formed and swore to obey and follow.**

 

  1. No Contracts on Members of the Chantry- Male members are allowed due to their lack of status in the Chantry and if there is serious reason behind it. To kill those who worship at the alter of Andraste and the Maker is taboo. (formed by the founder of what is now House of Di Bastion)  
  

  2. No Contracts on Wardens: The fight the Darkspawn and the Blight, without them Thedas would not have come out of the First Blight. Respect those who do such a deed should be given and seen as such. (formed by the founder of House of Arainai and then harshly enforced by House of D’Evaliste when one of their own ended up fighting in the 4th Blight and aiding Garahel and his sister in the battles and aided the Wardens for seven years)  
  

  3. No sexual harm will be brought upon or inflicted upon others. (Insisted and demanded by the maidservant who formed the House of De La Asha, choosing to name her House after the Queen instead of herself and the founder of the House of Lanos)  
  

  4. The Accordo Pacifico- if this is extended, it means the Crow extending it is offering a meeting on neutral grounds or a territory agreed by the one they are extending it to. To violate said Accordo by a nature of violence, is to violate the code and honor of Antiva and the Crows involved. (Formed by the founder House of Volpe)  
  

  5. A contract is our word- A promise to fulfill, and as a Crow, that promise is a vow. Failure to deliver on a contract shames the Crow and the House and breaking our word to the very people who need our services- Death is punishment for that failure. (Formed by the founder of House of Repose.)  
  

  6. To serve Antiva- by watching and eliminating threats from within and across our borders, is an honor on it’s own- We fail in our duties, we fail Antiva. It is not acceptable. To be a Crow, a servant of Antiva, we must abide by our Code, our Honor, and our Conduct- to not do so is dishonorable and brings shame to Antiva. (Insisted by all Founders) 



  
  
  
  


**Antiva Hierarchy:**

****  
**The Royal Family-Crown of Antiva:** Per the wiki-  Officially, the line of kings in Antiva has remained unbroken for two and a half thousand years, but the monarchy is very weak and has virtually no army.    
****  
**Headcanon: The Royal Family-Crown of Antiva is not quite figurehead status,  but they are controlled and influenced by those who have the real power** ****  
****  
**The Merchant Princes: (** Per the Wiki) The true power conferred strictly by wealth lies in the hands of a dozen merchant princes. They are not princes in the literal sense, but heads of banks, trading companies, and vineyards, each with a personal army, and each locked in a constant struggle against all the others. They possess sufficient capital to resolve any external diplomatic quandaries with a well-aimed purse or threat of withdrawn trade.   
  


**Headcanon:** Each Head of the 12 Merchant Families, essentially are the ones that influence the Royal Crown, and are of course the diplomats of trade agreements with other countries and are ‘Representatives Of The Crown’ during meetings with other countries Rulers. 

 

**Headcanon: T** he Bloodlines Of The Monks Who Started The Crows: The Monks and the Maidservant- Antivans, due to their pride in being who they are, take special pride in  the fact if they are part of the 8 Bloodlines that are the descendents of the Crows Founders. These people are generally Legacy Crows- they are recruited/given to the various Houses (most likely from the House they are connected to) at the age of 10, already properly indoctrinated into the culture,despite not yet trained. These families are not on par of status with the Merchant Princes, but they still are considered to have much respect. The Heads Of the Founders Families are also steady guiding hands for the Royal Family/Crown of Antiva. 

 

**(headcanon) The Chantry In Antiva:** The Chantry is similar in most regards everywhere else- except there ARE Crow Bodyguards so to speak for the Grand Clerics. And also tends to stray to the Ultra Orthadox teachings of Andraste, in some of the more rural regions of Antiva. As such, in the minds of most Antivans, a Chantry Censuring is just as worse than a Royal Censuring, and if it comes on the heels of the Royal one, the person or persons behind have a greater amount of reputation to rebuild. 

 

**(headcanon mixed with wiki) The People Of Antiva:** The people of Antiva are very proud people, proud of their heritage, their country, their Chantry, and how their country influences so much trade. They take pride in their work, and the results of it, as well as have a high sense of honor and believe strongly in the value of promise and there is of course a strong religious Andrastian presence in some areas.  When introducing oneself to another, they always state their name, their title, where they are from and anything they may seem deem important. So basically: ****  
**  
** **“I am Master Blacksmith, Tomas Arias, of the Drylands, in the city of Treviso.” or**

 

**“I am Master of Crafts, Atrian Illuvo, of the Rialto Alienage in Rialto.”**

 

**(A Crow introduction: “I am Zevran Arainai, former Assassin to the House of Arainai, Crows of Antiva, now the Black Shadow.” (It’s not like it’s a secret…)**

  
  


**(headcanon) The Censuring:** Due to how Antivans view things, they see a Royal Censuring as a public shaming and humiliation and that those who have been a cause of it have damaged their honor and brought shame to Antiva.  The Censuring itself is used by the Merchant Princes through the King as a way of saying how displeased they are. The only thing that could cause even more shame is the Chantry Censuring, especially for the population that is deeply religious.

  
  


**The Antivan Alienages:** Unlike the humans nobles who would pride themselves on their children becoming Crows, the Alienages are not all that keen on their children doing so as well but they also know one invaluable fact:

 

If the Crows have become interested, they will have their kid.  And they will die if they do not let them have the child willingly. They also know that the Merchant Princes and The Crows are also very much intertwined- and the Merchant Princes have been known to arrange purges if necessary. 

 

For most, if their child ends up displaying signs of magic, they alert the Circle as quickly as possible or find a way to get their child to one of the Dalish clans if they are willing to take them. For nonmage children, they try to encourage their children to hide any skills that may seem valuable, and for Creator’s sake not to pickpocket or steal from a Crow. 

  
  


**Per the Wiki mixed with Headcanon:**

 

**Wiki states that the Qunari avoid Antiva. That they don’t fear invasion- but sadly the Qunari did invade.**

 

**The history of the Crows- once considered primarily just the defenders and protectors of Antiva, who had different methods of training, recruiting for the first few centuries of their founding- changed drastically.  And it was traced back to one thing:** ****  
****  
**The Qunari.** ****  
**  
** **Per the wiki: 6:32–42 Steel: Antiva is conquered by the invading Qunari.[7]**

**6:85 Steel - 7:23 Storm: Antiva is freed from the Qunari.[7]**

  
**With how the Crows have become such a facet to Antiva, them and the Armada their main forces of protection- with how the people of Antivan are proud of who they are and their history, Antiva and the Crows took a serious blow to everything that defined them when they lost their country. So they changed, drastically in how they did everything: How they recruited, how they trained, how they fought. They fought against the Qunari occupation as well as the Armada with everything they had, including a new ruthlessness that was not once there.** ****  
**  
** **They made the Qunari pay with blood and loss for every inch they took, and every inch the Crows and the Armada were able to gain back. But after that, most of the Houses that had changed so drastically, seemed unable to turn back to the way they were- hence how far they have now fallen.**


	2. A Crow At Her Door

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oranne Trida has what she sees as an impossible choice placed in front of her. 
> 
> In reality, there was no choice.

**Antiva City- Antiva City Alienage**

**9:19**

**Valaria is 9 years old**

 

There was a Crow standing at her door. 

Oranne Trida gripped the old mug in her right hand, as she stared at the man in front of her. What had she done to get this visit? She knew he was Crow, he had that look, that stance, the eyes… She is an Antivan, any Antivan worth their name knew a Crow when they saw one. 

“I have no idea who I angered to have a contract made on my name--”   
  
He holds up a hand. “Oranne Trida, I know much about you. You are the Hahren’s daughter. You married ten years ago and had a child a year after. How is Valaria?”    
  
She swallows tightly,thinking of her daughter- she’s currently outside, watching the other children play. She told Valaria to not get too close, but to enjoy the outside. Valaria been show signs of---

“Magic,” the Crows speaks as if he could hear her thoughts and finished it for her. “Yes, that is indeed magic. How else would you explain someone with fire dancing on their fingertips?”   
  
“What do you want?” She whispers. 

  
“First let me introduce myself.  I am  Tomas of D’Evaliste, Master Assassin to House of D’Evaliste.” he bows.”I am here for an offer- you have a choice. Templars will soon be alerted to your child’s gifts. Even now the others talk, and word will reach them. The Crows value mages, values getting a mage child before the Circle and Chantry can get their hands on them, locking them up so unjustly. We can give your daughter skills that will benefit her, a life filled with luxuries and privileges she will not get in the Circle of Magi. She will be treated well and receive the best training in everything. She will be well read, well travelled, well educated. We offer you a choice: We will buy young Valaria from you and she will become part of the finest organization that Antiva has at it’s disposal. Or let her be claimed by the Circle.” 

The Circle.   
  
She hears so many horror stories about the Circle. 

“She will not have a fair life there. Not only because she is and will be a mage, but she is also an elf. With us she will be prized for everything she is. WIth the Chantry she will be abused and leashed, made to be ashamed of who she is, instead of having pride. She will have a good life.”   
  
She swallows, her heart racing. Her mother would be furious to know if she was considering this. But she was.. Oh dear Maker and Creators, help her, she was. 

She was considering selling her own child. 

He holds up a hand again, this time with a fine leather pouch attached to it. A gentle smile. “We pay well for any promising talent, especially for a mage, as we are limited on how many we can have. To have such raw potential in our hands, without the brainwashing of the Chantry, is something that we will pay very well for. My guildmaster even approved the price we will pay.” He lowers his hand, and with his other, gently opens her free hand, depositing the leather pouch in there. She can feel the weight of the coins. 

“Think of our offer, Oranne of the Alienage, daughter of the Hahren. You have twenty four hours before I am on your doorstep once more.”   
  
_ Or a templar instead… _

Then there was the whole other matter- as always concerning one when a Crow showed up.   
  


 

 

***********

 

  
  
She sits in her chair, as she hears her mother and daughter chatter at the counter.. Her mother teaching Valaria how to make a dish.    
  
Valaria is watching and learning, happily, and every now and then Oranne catches sight of  fire- little flashes of fire like on the candle wick on her daughter’s fingers. 

All her little girl has to do is shake her finger and the little fire goes out and she goes back to helping her Grandmother out. 

It’s been hours since that Crow, Tomas, left. Hours as she sat and thought. The leather pouch of coin weighing heavily in her hand until she hid it in her dresser. 

Her husband is currently napping, unaware of anything. They had discussed Valaria’s growing gift recently, and he has been insisting that she should be turned over to the Circle, instead of waiting for the Templars to come.   
  
_ “She will not have a fair life there. Not only because she is and will be a mage, but she is also an elf. With us she will be prized for everything she is. WIth the Chantry she will be abused and leashed, made to be ashamed of who she is, instead of having pride. She will have a good life.” _ _   
_

Tomas’s words echoed in her mind. 

Would the Crows truly treat her better? She heard stories about the Crows too, but…

“Mama! Look at this! I helped Nana make them!” 

She shakes herself out of her thoughts as Valaria comes running up to her, with a wooden tray showing the wrapped sandwiches and cut up vegetables. Valaria bounces back on her heels, something she’s seen her daughter do since she started walking, a brilliant happy smile on her face. 

  
“I made them by myself, while Nana was watching. I did good right?” 

Oranne takes a moment. “Yes. Yes you did good, my sweet girl.” 

 

  
  
  
**************

  
  


“Is something wrong Oranne?”   
  
It is now evening and her thoughts are still plaguing her, and her mother knows. 

She could talk to her mother about this, about the visit. She is the Hahren for a reason. She would be able to help her see things clearly. 

But.. she is afraid. Because what if Mother tells her that the Circle is the best option? The stories, oh the stories. And the templars that come snooping around her, they were awful and callous, no regard for the feelings of others. 

“Just worried about things.”   
  
Her mother nods. “I noticed… Valaria.”   
  
“I know.”   
  
Her mother sighs. “You cannot hide it forever, my dear girl.”

It appears they will be having this talk after all. “The Circle is dangerous. Those templars ,the beliefs of the Chantry. She’s an elf, Mother. We’re barely treated with any sort of decency here, she’ll be treated with none.”   
  
“Yet she cannot remain untrained. Not for long. You know that. I can send word to the Dalish--”   
  
The Dalish. They were just as worse. Uncivilized, savage, cruel. She heard that other clans were not as base as the Clans in Antiva were. Plus it would take a long time to get word back and a visit. 

  
She sighs. “I’m tired, Mother. I don’t think I can continue talking about this.” 

“I’m sorry my dear.”

  
  
  


**************

 

  
  
It is now mid day.

That leather pouch of coin sits on the table. 

So much coin.

She had counted it three times.

Seventy Andris. She had never seen so many coins of gold in her life.    
  
Tomas was not lying about how much they would be willing to pay for Valaria. So much money for an untrained mage, not yet of the Circle? Her gut tightens, it twists a little, she knows this is too good to be true. She is an elf...

She feels she should ask more questions to Tomas when he arrives- an hour from now. But she senses he would not tolerate them. He came here on a mission. He made his case and is now returning to hear her answer. 

Either way, her daughter is heading a life to be defined by her magic. Whether by the Circle, the Dalish if Mother has her way, or the Crows. 

_ “With us she will be prized for everything she is. WIth the Chantry she will be abused and leashed, made to be ashamed of who she is, instead of having pride. She will have a good life.”* _

The door to her home opens and Valaria comes racing inside, turning pink from her day in the sun, those freckles showing more clearly, her red hair having escaped the braid she had made that morning. 

“Valaria,” she calls out to her daughter as she races past the kitchen. She closes her eyes, and takes off her ring, the ring that she received from her Mother as a girl. When she opens them, Valaria is standing before, on her heels, looking curious. Wide green eyes right on her. 

She gently tugs her daughter forward, and with the hand she holds, she presses the ring in the palm and then folds her fingers over it. 

“Valaria, I have some news for you.” 

 

 

 

************

 

There is a Crow at her door. 

“Her daughter is by her side, quiet. A small pack settled on one shoulder. Oranne wanted Valaria to have some things from home.  Valaria had taken the news without any dramatics. When Oranne explained why she was going to be going, that her magic made her special and these people wanted to help with that, Valaria just smiled and kissed her cheek. 

Now with Tomas here, her heart is beating. She will have to make explanations for Valaria’s disappearance, and to be careful with the money. 

“Ah, Oranne of the Alienage, the Hahren’s daughter,” he smiles widely. “Have you made your decision.”   
  
“Yes.” The bag of coin feels heavier than before in her pocket. “Valaria, this is Tomas. He is one of those people who will help you with your special gift.”

“Hello,” Valaria says quietly.    
  
He smiles down at her daughter who looks at Tomas hestantly. “Oh yes, indeed my dear girl. You have the makings of fine talent House of D’Evaliste will make sure you and your special gift will be well taken care of.”

He holds out his hand to her daughter. “It would please me greatly if you take my hand. There is a lovely young elven woman by the name of Adanni waiting in the carriage just outside the gates. We will be guiding you to your latest adventure, exciting yes?” 

She sees the look of uncertainty disappear into curiosity. Then her daughter frowns. “May I keep Mama’s ring? She gave it to me to hold on to her, she said.”   
  
“Of course, I would never deny a young lady such an item of value.”   
  
Valaria glances at her. Oranne prays for forgiveness for what she is doing, and nods. Valaria lets go of her hand and takes Tomas’s.   
  
“Thank you, Miss Valaria.” He straightens as he steps to the side when Valaria joins him on the other side. He bows to Oranne. “A wise and most advantageous choice to make,” he say softly, in a tone only she can hear. “I hope our compensation helps you along the way. Goodbye, Oranne of the Alienage, the Hahren’s daughter.”  
  
Oranne watches, her heart aching as she watches her daughter being escorted out of the Alienage.   
  
The bag of coin sitting so heavily, in her pocket, in her mind, in her. 


	3. A New Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valaria starts off in her new life.

  
**Later That Night**

 

 

Valaria was excited, curious and also.....nervous.  


The two in the carriage with her were very nice, answering her questions and not put off by how many she asked. Others in the Alienage didn’t seem to like it when she asked so many things.    
Grandmother said curiosity was a good trait to have, it helps develop the mind. 

Valaria wasn’t quite sure what she meant by that, but all she got from it was that asking questions was a good thing.   
  
The  elven lady Adanni and the human Tomas answered all her questions though, without sounding bothered. 

“We will be arriving in another hour or so” Adanni says after some quiet had passed. “Your new home awaits you little Valaria.”   
  
She wrinkled her nose at that. “I know I’m smaller than most, but I don’t like being called little.”    
  
Adanni laughs, brushing her long black hair back. “Oh think of it as an advantage, little one. A good way to get a good shot in before anyone else can,” she says tapping her on the nose. “No worries, you’ll soon learn how to best take advantage of everything you are given.”   
  
“Mama said I’ll be safe here,” Valaria says quietly, her mind now thinking about what her mother had told her before the man had arrived. “That it’ll be better than the Circle, because I can do this..” She holds out her hand and just stares at her fingers- she learned how to do it many times before, she liked to show it off now, it was fun to see the reactions of others.    


Fire dances on her fingertips like fireflies.

“Indeed, just like I can do this,” Valaria watches as Adanni take her hand in hers, and there’s a feeling on her hand, freezing the dancing flames right above her fingers.    
  
“Show me again!”

Adanni laughs again.”Oh I’ll be showing you plenty of times my dear.”   
  


 

****************

  
  
The child has fallen asleep, helped by the sleeping drops she put in her drink. 

“How much longer?” Adanni asks Tomas.    
  
“Another hour until we arrive. She’ll be awake then yes?”   
  
Adanni nods, and eyes the sleeping form of the child next to her.

“So, a fire mage?”   
  
“Yes, I am sure you and the other Senior Mage will be able to nurture that gift. The Guildmaster was most intrigued indeed. With your natural skills in ice and storm, add in Torval’’s affinity for entropy, and this one here when she’s properly trained and unleashed with the two of you?” Tomas smiles. “We shall have the strongest and most feared mages out of all the Houses.” He glances at the child. “Our informants did tell us the child is quite spirited though.”   
  
“With that mound of red hair? Not surprised.”   
  
Tomas shrugs. “No matter. Her spirit will break, and she will bend knee and kiss the ring of the Guildmaster and Talon.”   
  
Adanni thinks of the moment she broke. She remembered when she first came to  the House of D’Evaliste. She thought she was strong enough. 

She was not. She broke. She bent. She kissed. 

They all did.    
  
It made things far more easier after that. 

“I am sure she will in the end.”   
  
“In the meantime I am sure the Allentores and others will do what they seem fit to teach and break her. It shall be interesting to watch.” 

 

 

******************

 

  
  
Valaria had only been awake for a few minutes, avidly looking outside the carriage, trying to see things as the carriage went by. It was dark, but she saw the occasional person and trees, and animals… 

“Where are we?” She asks seeing the glimmer of water nearby. 

“On the outskirts of the city. We have little in the way of neighbors. It is for the best.”   
  
She doesn’t quite understand why, and then the dirt road turns to stone and she sees a stone wall. 

“Ah, we are approaching.” 

‘Valaria, please bring your head back inside, you will be able to see the estate properly when we stop,” A firm hand, a little cool,  grips her by the shoulder.

She wants to resist, to ignore, she wants to continue looking out, and a part of her does, just for a few seconds, but then she does what she is asked. 

Valaria taps a foot on the floor, feeling nervous and excited all at once. The start of her adventure. 

The carriage pulls to a stop. First Adanni and Tomas step out, then the door swings open, and Tomas holds out his hand. 

When her feet touch ground, she turns. Her eyes widen as she takes in the  [ huge building in front of her ](http://thesteepletimes.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/Oswaldkirk-Hall-Oswaldkirk-York-YO62-5XT-1.jpg) . “I’m going to be living there?”    
  
“No, my dear. The only ones that live there are those who have earned the privilege. You will be getting your training and lessons there as well on the grounds , and will be meeting those in charge of your education in all the things the Crows will deem important,” Adanni steps next to her, holding out her hand once more. “After I will show you where you will be staying. Are you ready?”   
  
Is she ready? 

Valaria doesn’t quite understand it, she doesn’t understand why her feet aren’t running towards that huge home. There’s so much open too, so much grass, and lots of statues, and oh there’s a fountain! She whirls around a couple times, trying to take everything in, until a hand lays down on her shoulder once more, heavier than before.

She twitches at the feeling.

“At ease, little one,” Tomas say firmly. “Otherwise you’ll set the grass on fire with your excitement,” he looks down and so does she and she realizes her feet are warmer than usual and when she moves she sees two brown spots where the grass was under her.

“I’m sorry!”   
  
“It is fine, we will have to teach you to control that though. A Crow prizes control of oneself above all,” he says with a smile. “Come along, and meet those who hold your fate.”   
  
She frowns again trying to understand what he means, his wording is so strange to her. But she follows,down the path and then the steps- she stumbles once but doesn’t take their hand to get back up. Lantern lights glow upon the path and soon she is front of two large doors. 

_ Very big doors. _

She swallows. 

She clutches Mama’s ring, and her small bag that Mama packed for her. 

She hopes she likes these people inside. 

 


	4. The First Refusal

So many names and faces. 

She was introduced to many, but she found herself watching one man in particular.  She was told that he is  [ Guildmaster Shavros, ](https://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2011/06/30/article-2009956-0CBC40F2000005DC-566_468x638.jpg) . Adanni had whispered in her ear he was important, very important, and she must always be polite. He answers to only one other, and he watches over us, she said. 

She was only nine years old, but she thought she was smart. There was something about the tall man with such a stern look.\

“Masters Adanni and Tomas, I see you have finally brought us a new recruit for our House and family.” His voice reminds her of the elders, the one that Nana constantly argued with. Mama never liked him, nor Nana.    
  
“We did, Guildmaster,” Tomas says.   
  
“And you are young lady?”   
  
Oh she was…”Valaria Trida, grandaughter of the Hahren of the Antiva City Alienage.”     
  
He smiles, but she does not think it is kind. “Not for much longer, young Valaria. But for now, I was told you have magic. Fire magic, yes? Such a talent, to make fire dance. It is one that will be grown into something so much more. Welcome to your new life and home.” 

 

**********

 

**A Week Later**

**9:19**

 

 

_ Welcome to your new life and home.  _

After a week here, Valaria does not like her new life and home.

She has to share what Adanni called a dormitory with seven others, barely enough room for any of them to have much space to themselves. But she’s told they are lucky. One of the other ones that were here before her, they tell her the other recruits are in tighter quarters across the land. 

  
_ Thirty in each of the five dormitories,  _ she said.  _ Cramped space, sleeping right next to each other. We’re lucky, we have our own beds.  _

They keep the recruited mage potentials away from the other recruits, Adanni told her. Adanni and one other woman, older like Nana, who is also a mage, said they had to be separated.

In case of magical accidents. 

She didn’t like the exam she had to have, the older mage did it, and she wasn’t nice. She wasn’t mean either though. She handled them all roughly. 

“She runs warm,” she heard Adanni say to the older mage. 

“It’s the fire in her. The magic. Her skin will always be a bit warm to the touch.” 

She heard Adanni ask something else, but she doesn’t quite hear the question, and the older mage answers in the same way. 

The next few days, she was introduced to another severe and stern looking man who she was told was called Vedere. He said nothing, just nodded.    
  
Then she met the ones she was told to call Allentore. She would only work with three of them, they told her, while Adanni and the older mage would be her magical teachers. She would learn from them everything else. 

At first she liked it. 

“You are here to become a Crow,” the Allentore who said he teaches history told them. She listened. History is important. Nana always said it was. “The Crows were first just a simple order of monks that were part of the Chantry. But they rose up against a despot, using the herbs they grew in their gardens. We are also part of Antiva, we are Antiva,  We are Antiva’s eyes and ears, we are Antiva’s heart, we are Antiva’s soul.”    
  
_ He speaks like the storytellers at the alienag _ e, Valaria watches with fascination as the tall man walks back and forth as he continues to talk. “We are the force that protects it from threats within and outward. The Armada are our sisters and brothers in that as well. You are here to become part of that defense. You are here to be part of that line of defense and offense for Antiva. To make sure Antiva remains strong and healthy, we weed out the weak and sick, the ones that dare to harm our great country. It does not matter who it is- one of very own in the Monarchy, or a simple farmer from another land who for some reason starts to plot against us.” 

  
He stops right in front of her. “What are you Valaria D’Evalista?”    
  
She frowns at the name, but first answers the question. “The protection of Antiva.” 

He smiles. “Good.”   
  
“But my last name is Trida.”    
  
The smile slips. “No, my dear, it is not. Your name is your House. Your House is your family. You are no longer Valaria Trida of the Alienage, granddaughter of the Hahren. You are Valaria, of House D’Evaliste. As is everyone else here. Your last names are no longer part of you. What you once were does not matter any longer, it is lost. You are beginning anew here, and here you are  D’Evaliste. Remember that, young mage.”    
  


Her eyes narrow as he walks past her, continuing to talk. She is no longer listening. 

She is a Trida. She is not a D’Evaliste. 

Unknown to others, rebellion starts to stir. 

  
  
  


 

 

********  
  
Two Months Later

**9:12**

 

 

Adanni glares at the Allentore. “Why did you pull me away now? I just got a contract that is time sensitive.”    
  
“Valaria.”    
  
She sighs. Of course. The recruited child mage was once more the reason she was pulled to the side.

“What did she do?”   
  
“Denied her last name is D’Evaliste. Again.”   
  
“This is not the first time, Allontore. It will take time for her to accept it, let it happen naturally.”   
  
He scowls. “She said it in front of the the Guildmaster. He was there for a surprise look into how we were doing with the recruits. All of them, save her, did exactly as I expected. She looked him right in the eye and said she is Valaria Trida.”   
  
A part of Adanni is impressed. But she knew better than to show it. “She has spirit, a lot of it, and therefore it was assumed it will take time to break and bend.”   
  
“Two months! The Guildmaster is unhappy. He demands a lesson, and you are the one to give it.”    
  
Adanni scowls. “A time sensitive contract Allantore!’

“Then you best hope she breaks to your lesson quickly.” 

Adanni scowls. She is not part of the disciplinarian group. She is one of Valaria’s teachers.  I'd rather it be you than the Ricordare.”   
  
“All he does is verbal admonishment.”   
  
“And it will do no good. Then she will be sent to the Il Punitore. Make her see reason, Adanni.”    
  
She had two hours to try and get Valaria to stop being stubborn, otherwise she will end up missing her target at the specified location, and then have to travel to complete it, because a failed contract is a death sentence. 

Two hours.   
  
Oh Valaria. 

  
  


****************   
  
  
  
  
  


Valaria scowls at Adanni. 

“You need to stop aggravating the Allentores, child. You are here. You belong to House D’Evaliste. Just like me, Tomas, the Allentores, the Guildmaster himself. Do you realize how you make the Allentores look to the Guildmaster if you are being defiant like this?”   
  
“I am just saying what my last name is.”   
  
“Trida is no longer your name. It ceased being your name the moment you came into our care. You are here to be trained by House D’Evaliste, to be part of the heart and soul of Antiva. By being defiant, you are going against Antiva.”   
  
Valaria looks away from Adanni then, and she keeps both her hands firsted in her lap. In the palm of her right hand, she is holding her mother’s ring. 

A firm hand grips her chin Most who usually do it mutter about how warm her skin is, but the warmth is dulled by the cool touch of Adanni. 

“The next time you are asked who you are, you are Valaria D’Elaviste. If I have to be called in again to talk to you, you will not like it, my dear. I am not one of the disciplinarians here, but you do not want to gain their attention. Am I understood?”    
  
Valaria nods, biting her lip, and Adanni lets go. She watches Adanni straighten and turn to leave. When she gets to the door, the older elven woman looks back at her.

“Spirit and stubbornness is all well and good, especially if you rise in the ranks. You should with that talent of yours. But it does not serve well when learning. You belong to House D’Evaliste. Remember that.”   
  
All goodwill leaves Valaria with those last few words when the door departs. Her hand tightens around her mother’s ring once more. 

No, she will not deny her last name. 


	5. Refusal...Then Acceptance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valaria continues to refuse, continues to deny her last name is no longer Trida.
> 
> Until...until she can no longer deny it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter starts off with the abuse of a minor, through magic and manipulations.

 

**2 Months Later**

**9:19**

 

 

Valaria stood in the ice ring, shivering. 

She has been cold for hours, wearing only the trousers and tunic she had put on this morning. 

Adanni stands there, just a few feet away, looking at her, her face blank, no smiles. None of the friendliness she had before.    
  
Two others are with her. The Ricordare- the one she met with two weeks ago after she once again denied being Valaria D’Elaviste. 

Now the other. Il Punitore. The Punisher. 

He is using Adanni to do it. 

Her hands are clenched in fists, she uses the bite of her mothers ring in her skin to keep herself still.    
  
The ice ring formed when the Il Punitore got her temper going. 

_ “You refuse. Again and again. You refuse and deny. You will learn young lady. You’re life does not belong to you. It belongs to us. To this House. You are property, ours to mold, teach, and to do what we see fit. You are Valaria D’Evaliste. Valaria Trida does not exist any longer. Property does not deny and refuse. You will learn.” _ __   
__   
Property. Her jaw clenches and she wills her fire to come back. Like when he finished his nasty speech. She set fire to his satchel.  
  
He responded by having Adanni trap her in this ice ring. 

_ “You are fire, but we know how to smother it. How to cool it. We know how to defend against it. You may be strong, little fire mage, but you will bend.” _

“Tell me again, who you are?”   
  
“Valaria Trida, of Antiva City Alienage, granddaughter of the Hahren.”    
  
Il Punitore sighs, shakes his head. “So stubborn. All this because of a name.”   
  
“It is who I am.”   


“Hmm, a little more, Adanni?”   
  
Adanni’s staff glows, and the temperature in the ice rings gets colder. 

“You will stay here for three hours, with Adanni as silent company. You will learn, little fire mage. Oh you will learn.”  
  
  
  


 

 

**2 Months Later**

**9:13**

**10 years old**

 

 

 

She didn’t learn. 

In the space of six months, she had angered many with her refusal to accept her new last name. To accept her station.

She refused. She kept saying. I am not property. I am a person. I am Valaria Trida. 

It just made them angrier. 

The only disciplinarian she hadn’t met yet was the one called La Frusta. The Whip. And that was only because she was too young. 

She heard the comments. The Allentores praised her magic skills, her ability to learn fire and control it, her language classes. Everything else they were teaching her, she was soaking it up. 

Except what seemed to matter most. 

Most of the punishments they used were to smother her warm skin, to smother the fire that ran through her. 

Due to these punishments, others avoided her. Her roommates wanted nothing to do with her, in fact she was blamed by them for their poor learning in the magical arts, two of them straining under the learning. 

The non magical recruits were just as bad, whispers when they passed her. She got in the habit of letting fire dance on her hands, and for a fireball to start forming in them if they stared at her too long.    
  
The flinches, yells, and the sound of feet running were fun to hear. 

It made up for everything else. 

Even now. 

She flinches as she is hit with another splash of ice cold water, Adanni pacing around her in a circle, Il Punitore picking up another bucket. 

This is the tenth time. Her skin is aching, cold, her arms hurting as she braces herself on the floor, shivering. 

She shifts her right fist, trying to keep the ring from slipping out.    
  
_ Keep hold of the ring _

She bites back a yelp as another splash of cold water hits her, and her right hand slips, and the ring slips out. 

Adanni’s feet stop by it. “What is this?” The elven mage asks curiously. 

“No!” Valaria yells as the woman picks up the ring. “No, that’s mine.” The small pack her mother had put together had been taken from her days after she came here. It was all she had left. 

She feels hands grip her by her arm. Rough hands. Il Punitore hauls her to her feet as she’s shivering. 

“The only items those who are property of House D’Evaliste are those provided,” Il Punitore growls.

“I am not property,” she snarls at him, then stomps on his foot. In return, she is smacked, hard enough to fall back to the floor. 

“This is her mother’s ring,” she hears Adanni tell Il Punitore. “She showed it to me in the carriage that night. Oh dear, why do you carry this? Did no one ever tell you?”   
  
Valaria stills in her movements. “It’s my mother’s.” Not mama any longer. “Therefore it is mine to carry and I do so to hold on to her memory.”   
  
A cool hand grips her chin and forces her to look up, forces her green eyes to meet cold brown ones.

“So no one told you? No one explained?” She tsks. “Oh my sweet fire bug of a girl. Your mother does not deserve you carrying on this ring, holding her memory. A mother who would sell her own child for some mere coins of gold? What mother, if she truly loved her child, would sell said child?”   


Valaria swallows. “You’re lying.”   
  
“No, my dear I am not. Tomas can testify to it, I’ll bring him in here if I must. He was the one that waved the coin purse in her face. She sold you for money to us. Now why honor her by keeping this, when she clearly had no honor regarding you?” 

She will not cry, even as she feels tears forming, she will not cry. 

“Mother wouldn’t do that.”    
  
“Yes, she would,” a man’s voice joins in. For the first time since she arrived, she hears Tomas’s voice. “I am sorry little Valaria,” his words sound so sad. “But it is the truth. She took the money. She does not deserve you holding so tightly to that ring, to the name Trida, when the very name betrayed you.”    
  
_ No..no...no… _

She swallows again, and she feels wetness on her cheeks,but it is not water. 

“I can get the Guildmaster in here,” Adanni adds, sounding sad as well. “He was the one that approved it, all of it. He even sent her a letter thanking her for being willing to sell you to us. He keeps copies you see.”   


......“I want to see it.”    
  
“Oh you can. We will take you to him and ask to see it,” she says with a smile, but it fades then. “On one condition. You see the letter, you will admit you are Valaria D’Evaliste. Otherwise, we stay here, doing what we do, until you finally admit to yourself dear girl, that you are property, and property of House D’Evaliste.” She holds up the ring, her mother’s ring.    
  
“But first...this ought to be taken care of yes? A symbol of such treachery, of a mother’s false love, should not remain.”    
  
Before Valaria can object, the ring in Adanni’s free hand is slowly frozen over, encased in ice. Adanni’s hand, then turns to rock, and she curls her fingers. The rock like skin soon fades away to normal, and then she opens her hand, and nothing but little pieces of dust fall slowly to the floor. 

Her mother’s ring… 

_ Gone.  _

For the first time since  the punishments began, she cries. 

 

 

***************

 

  
  
The letter. 

The Guildmaster silently hands her the letter. Her hands tremble as she reads it, reads the words that confirm what Adanni and Tomas are saying. The two of them are standing there quietly. 

She bites her lip, and glances up at the Guildmaster. “Did she respond?”  

He nods, looking somber. “I have the letter itself. Would you like to see it?”

“Please.. I need to…”   
  
“Of course child, I understand,” he says softly, standing back up and heading over to his desk. She watches, rocking back on her heels, as he goes through many things on his desk, lifting up many pieces of parchment and then setting them down.

“Ah here we go,” he holds up a yellow looking parchment- old parchment, and she’s seen it used in the alienage before. He comes over and sits down next to her, handing it to her. 

She focuses on the words:

 

_ Guildmaster Shavros,  _

_ *Your welcome.* _

_ *As you say, I hope she serves Antiva well.* _

 

To her, this is confirming everything Adanni and Tomas has said. 

She sniffs, and hands the letter back to the Guildmaster. 

“Now you have proof,” Guildmaster Shavros says softly. 

“I do.”   
  
Her mother sold her. 

To serve Antiva.

Her mother sold her to these people. As if she was property. 

Her fists tighten on her lap, and she does her best to keep her anger at bay, she does not wish to set things on fire in here.

“Young lady.”   
  
She looks up at the Guildmaster. “Yes, Guildmaster Shavros?”   
  
“Who are you?”   
  
A part of her want to say what she always said. But then she remembers the letter, the answer from her mother, what Adanni said.

She is no longer a Trida.

“I am Valaria D’Evaliste, I belong to House of D’Evaliste, which is part of the Crows,” she answers quietly. 

 

************

 

 

Adanni glances at Tomas. He smiles. “It worked,” he murmurs.    
  
“It worked.” She is relieved. It  appears the young girl has finally broken.   


Tomas seems to think that too. 

What none of them realize at the moment  is that she did not break,not entirely. Soon the House would learn, that while she accepted who she would be now, nothing ever came easy with Valaria D’Evaliste. 

 


	6. Trying To Run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She may have accepted she was no longer a Trida. 
> 
> But that was it.

**3 Week Later**

**9:19**

**10 years old**

 

 

 

  
  
The first few weeks, she struggled with that change. She cried, quietly, in her bed at night, because of how much it hurt to just toss aside her former name. Her Nana she thought in the beginning of those long nights, would be hurt and sad and angry at everything. 

  
Then after a couple weeks of feeling upset and confused about accepting being Valaria D’Evaliste, one particular night, her thoughts went in a way that changed much for her. 

She had wondered if Papa knew what her mother had done.

Papa had been nervous about the fire dancing, she remembered that. She saw it more clearly. He had been nervous and she recalled the words templar and Circle.

So.. he had been thinking of sending her away then. Not to the Crows. But still, she bet Mother talked to him about it. And since he was talking about sending her away, and they got money from the Crows...

_ Nana…. _

Did Nana know what happened? She had to have known. She’s the Hahren. . A Hahren she was told protects their people. Like the Keeper with the Clan, a Hahren for the Alienage is the mentor for others a voice of wisdom and guidance, Nana said to her. The Hahren tries to guide and shape the alienage, protect the community, do what they can do for the alieange. 

Nana had to have known what her  _ mother _ had done. She had to have known. And she let it happen.

  
**She let it happen.**

Not one of her family had any love for her. A mother’s love, bought for. A father’s love as well. 

A grandmother’s love…

None of them loved her, and they all turned their backs on her. She was sold by her family to these people, to become a Crow, a weapon for Antiva. She was sold to be tormented, abused….

They didn’t care one bit. 

Valaria sits up in her bed then, no longer sniffing, the tears dried up. Anger welled in her. She raised her hand, and willed the heat in her fingers to form.

Fire danced on her fingertips.

Well fine. 

Valaria D’Evaliste she is then. 

_ For the moment.  _

A plan begins to form. 

  
  


**3 Months Later**

**Guildmaster’s Study**

 

She stood there, fuming at herself, as the Guildmaster spoke with Tybo, the most senior mage, Adanni, and the three guards.   
  
She had been marched through the main house, and up to the his study, for everyone to see. 

Her plan took three months to form, three months to put into play.

And in one hour, it crashed and burned. 

She didn’t know how they found her, all she knows is that they did. She had a three hour head start. She snuck off the grounds, and ran as far as she could, until she came across a small village that was by the edge of the water. 

She would have stolen a horse, but she was too short and she wasn’t one of the ones being taught how to ride horses. It wasn’t ‘necessary’ for her. She took a small break, stole some food, and then continued running. 

When she had gotten as far as she could, she had made her way into a forest. She had no idea where to go honestly, but all she could do was think of one thing: Getting away. If she could get to Antiva City, she would be able to figure out something from there.

She knows she can’t go back to the Alienage. Her supposed family there would probably turn her right back over to them. 

But her plan went to void. She thought she had run far enough, but after just taking a quick nap, she was found. She didn’t know how, but they found her. 

Not just any they- Adanni and Tomas was with them, but it was a man in shiny armor, and the symbol of the Templars. 

A Templar. They brought in a Templar to find her. 

All she could think on the way back-- Was this it? Had they given up on her? Considered her too much trouble? Sending her to the Circle?   
  
_ Please say yes. To all three.  _

“Well, and here I thought you were finally beginning to accept your place,” the Guildmaster drawls as he turns to her. She looks over at him, coming out of her furious and somewhat hopeful thought. “You wound me young lady. You finally took on the honor of the name D’Evaliste, after so much trouble of getting you to accept that one thing. And now you repay your family by running away?” He sits down on the couch in his study. 

“You are not my family,” She says stubbornly. 

“Oh dear, yes we are. We are the only family you have. You know this. Your previous family sold you, turned away from you,” his words are like a whip, lashing across her, but his smile stays, his tone warm, despite the coldness of his words. She doesn’t.. She doesn’t know how to respond to him really. 

“Well, anyways, the nice Templar helped us find you, and back to the Circle he is. It’s wonderful how well we can work with templars sometimes.”   
  
She blinks. “Wait? He’s gone? So you’re..not sending me with him? I thought--”   
  
“Oh? You thought because we had a templar help track you down, that we were going to just send you off to the Circle? Where all that potential just brimming in you, will be leashed and caged? Oh no, my dear, we have an agreement with a few Templars you see? We pay them well for their help in tracking down runaways, specifically… mage runaways.” 

She frowns. “I don’t--”   
  
“Oh I know. But you’re a bright girl, so I’ll show you. Adanni, open the cabinet.”    
  
Adanni comes fully inside, and heads over to the Guildmaster, who hands her a long black key. Valaria watches as she goes over to a large black cabinet in the back corner. The doors are opened wide, and a  [ big, beautiful gold and blue  box ](http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-IlgZX51c8R4/U_djVsOtuhI/AAAAAAAAdbU/zE1vQrrs4Zs/s1600/Antique%2BFrench%2BNapoleon%2BIII%2BChampleve%2BEnamel%2BOrmolu%2BTrinket%2BBox%2Bantique%2Bvintage%2Bindian.jpg) , is taken out and brought over. She sets it down on the small table next to them. 

Adanni hands the key back to the Guildmaster, which he pockets. He looks over at Valaria.    
  
“You will only see this once my dear, and then you will know why it is useless to run.” He leans over and she watches carefully as he spins something on the top, then does it two more times, and then once more. She hears a click, and the lid opens just a little. He pushes the lid open, and she sees vials filled with with something that’s dark red. Several vials. 

“The Chantry actually has a good idea now and then. You see, whenever a mage is brought to a Circle, there is a phylactery made. A vial with the mage’s blood in it. It’s used by Templars  to track apostates, those who run from the Chantry. Fascinating idea, completely hypocritical of the Chantry, but fascinating and utterly useful.” He glances at her. “You’re a smart young lady, especially for an elf. Can you guess now how we found you?”   
  
She remembers that exam. The small cut on her hand that the elder mage then put into a vial. *“A precaution,”* she was told but was distracted by the pain. 

Her eyes travel to the vials, rest on one that she feels drawn to instinctively. “You used my blood.”   
  
“Exactly! We gave your vial here,” he taps the one vial she is looking at, “to the templar in our pay, and he tracked you down.” He shuts the lid, and spins the top piece on it twice, with a loud click. Her eyes travel back to his, bright green pulsing with a inner fury, but she stays still. She knows better, she knows how dangerous it is to lash out here. She’s not strong enough. 

She will be though. Eventually. Soon. She **will** be. 

“And that is how we will always find you, Valaria D’Evaliste. We keep track of our property, especially property that has so much potential, like a mage, like you. As a mage you are more valuable to us than a good portion of recruits, apprentices and assassins. We will do what we must to do what is needed. You cannot run from us, you cannot hide from us, you cannot leave us. You are ours.” His eyes never look away from hers, and the cruel nature in him, matched by his  equally cruel words that cut at every bit of her. 

“Take her back to her quarters, and then inform the Negare that she is to be denied all privileges, and send her to the Solitaro. Bare minimum of food, no training, no classes. Two weeks,” he says to Adanni. He glances back at her. “If you want to feel caged, then we will make you feel caged, and when you can see the sun again, you will be thankful for what freedoms you have that you spit on right now.” 

  
  


******   
  


 

The two weeks were not enough to deter,.   
  
She tried again. 

Spent two more weeks in the Solitaro.    


She tried again. 

Three weeks. 

She tried one more time. 

Each time she was found by a templar.

The last time was two months.  
  
Two months of just enough to eat, no company, no light, no baths, just a bucket for other matters, her magic nullified so she couldn’t even make fire dance on her fingers. Kept in darkness. Utter darkness. 

Two months later, she crawled out of the Solitare, in the midday sun, and closed her eyes against the warmth, and the fire lit up on her fingers. The voices of others could be heard. She felt Adanni’s touch on her shoulder, and while Adanni generally made her angry, she loved that touch. 

She leaned into that touch, hating herself. 

“Valaria?”   
  
“I cannot escape,” she murmurs.    
  
“Now you understand.”   
  
Now she understands.

She cannot escape. She cannot run. She cannot hide. She is Valaria D’Evaliste, a mage recruit for the Crows, and is considered their property.

While she concedes she cannot escape, a small kernel of rebellion forms in thought as Adanni helps her to her feet, saying she’ll take her to the baths. 

_ One day they will have their guard down, and she will strike. _


	7. Deyros

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Girl meets Boy.

**9:20**

**3 Months Later**

**11 Years Old**

 

She watches the others as they talk. She is outside, in the sun, soaking it in at the small designated eating area. All the tables in the spot are empty. Except hers.    
  
She is alone. 

Not many here willingly talk to her, even during lessons. They don’t like her. She doesn’t really like them in return, so for her it’s not a major loss.  
  
She’s developed a reputation of being unruly and difficult. Mouthy. Insolent. A tendency to flash fire at anyone who stares at her too long. 

  
It’s all true. But because of it all, because of her continued stubbornness and defiance, it has made her someone quite unpopular. Her company is not wanted. 

Most of the time she doesn’t mind. 

But at times it does get lonely.

So she focuses on the lessons, the training. She continues to learn the languages- she likes learning them, although Orlesian is ridiculous, Tevene is even worse, Ander is absolutely boring, Nevarran is just weird and makes her tongue trip,  and Ferelden is rough- she kind of likes Ferelden. There’s something.. Stubborn about the language. It’s not all fancy like Orlesian language (Seriously, why do those people talk like that?) or all bland and basic like Anderfellish. Ferelden is… gritty, stubborn, defiant. 

_Defiant_. 

Yes.    
  
Defiant is _good._

Magic is something she enjoys… for the most part. She wants to learn other branches, but they won’t let her. They say her skill, her gift is fire, and it must be fed and nurtured. She’s learned plenty of fire spells, and keeps learning more of them, but she.. She just wants to learn the others. Every time she tries, she’s rebuked.    
  
Then she tries to sneak a couple books away. Then she gets caught. 

Denied privileges.   
  
Ice water baths. 

No more trips to Solitaro though. She’ll defy as much as she can, but will do her best to avoid being in Solitaro. The darkness… 

She shudders and then looks down at her hand, and wills the fire to come out, smiling as the flames dance among her fingers. She debates making a fireball and throwing, seeing how the others react.

It shouldn’t be funny.  

But watching some of them dodge out of the way, even when the fireball isn’t even close? Watching the flinch when the flames rise up high from her hand? Or when, during class the other day she successfully made a long thin fire-trail from one end to the other. The flinches, the mutterings, the gasps, the baleful stares.    
  
They made their choice by treating her like a bug, because she wouldn’t bend.

So if she has to get her fun in by scaring them? Well, she’ll do just that. 

 

  
  
*******************   
  


 

 

  
  
A week later she gets a surprise. 

It’s lunch, and someone sits down at her table. 

She stares at him for a few minutes. The silence from the other tables says he’s being stared at well.

It’s an elven boy. Brown hair. He just simply ignores all the stares and eats. 

He does it again. 

For two weeks straight she has company at lunch. 

They don’t say anything to each other. But she watches him, and when he finally looks up from his food to look at her, she immediately lets fire appear on her fingers. 

He snorts, then goes back to his food. 

_ Huh.  _

It goes on longer. 

Silent company at lunch. For another month, he’s there are her table. This whole development has kept her attention squarely on this, distracting her from her goal of driving everyone mad with her stubbornness and defiance. 

Her lack of hostility has been noticed, she realizes. Adanni has been coming by the dorm more to talk to her, but she rebuffs the older mage. Tomas has been watching her as well.

So many eyes continue to be on her, wary of how quiet she’s been. 

He finally speaks to her two days after a month of eating lunch together, 

“Want the apple?”   
  
She glances down at her apple. “Yes.”

“Trade?” He holds up a brightly colored fruit, orange. 

She eyes it for a moment.    
  
“It’s good. I want something different.”   
  
She wouldn’t mind a little different. 

Valaria switches. 

They don’t speak again for another two weeks. Then;

“Deyros.”    
  
She swallows the bite of her apple. “What?”   
  
He points to himself. “My name. Deyros, formerly of Rialto Alienage.”   
  
She grimaces. “Valaria. Formerly of Antiva City Alienage.” 

He nods, then goes back to eating. 

Odd. So odd. She looks over at the other tables, and there’s a few stares, some glances. Then she looks past to see the usual minders watching over everything, as well as Adanni, Tybo and Tomas.

And they are all watching her and Deyros.

 


	8. Deyros, Ursula, Viktor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Training. 
> 
> Valaria becomes part of a group.

**3 Days Later**

 

“Hello.”  
  
She looks up from her spell books, pushing her unruly hair back. She glances around in the small library she got access to yesterday. Adanni and Tomas are in here as well, watching. Always watching.

“This isn’t lunchtime.”  
  
Deyros nods and sits down next to her. Her gaze flickers back to Adanni and Tomas, then back to the boy.

“Why are you here? You’re causing enough of a stir just simply sitting with me,” she points out.

His eyes gleam and she suddenly feels like she has a fellow rebellious sort with her.

“I like causing a stir,” he says simply.

“I don’t recognize you from before.” She has also kept watch over the new ones that came in over the past couple years. Large groups that eventually thin out. Whispers about how some fail in training.

She asked once what happened to those who fail. After all she fails in their ideals all the time.

****  
_“They have proven they are not useful to us, and their value is no longer seen,” Tomas told her. “Therefore they are disposed.”_   
_  
_ Her blood had gone cold at the word disposed. Children, so many other children, bought like her, killed because they don’t live up to the value and potential the Crows had hoped for.

_“What do you do with mages?” She asked that night._

_  
_ _Adanni speaks up then. “Mages soon realize how truly valuable they are, and stop resisting,” She speaks the word with emphasis._

_Valaria had looked between Adanni and Tomas and then back at Tomas. “What does that mean?”_   
  
_“Adanni?”_   
_  
_ “I once failed in one of my first few contracts- failure generally means death. The Crows have a high standard. They do not tolerate failure. I was sure I would be killed for the failure.” Adanni’s words make Valaria turn back to her.

_“Yet you’re still alive.”_   
_  
_ “My partners paid the price.”

_Valaria blinks. Partners. So assassins that were also sent with her. “Why?”_   
  
_Adanni smiles, a smile as cold as her magic and her eyes. “Because failure is not acceptable, and my partners were expendable. Three Assassins I had with me, dear girl. Trained for five years, like I was. So much potential in all of us, yet those three were killed for the failure of the contract I was given. Because they can buy as many children and slaves over and over and build them up to be the assassins they desire. There’s a nearly endless resource of unwanted people out there begging to be molded. Mages however?”_   
_  
_ Mages are not out there as freely, most usually found by templars and sent to the Chantry.

_Mages are not an abundance, a resource they can easily get their hands on and control._

_“Mages are more valuable,” she murmurs._   
  
_“For the most part yes. If we fail, our failures are taken out on those around us. As a way to say--”_   
_  
_ “Their lives do not matter,” Valaria finishes.

_Adanni nods. “They will tolerate much from us mages, as you have noticed with your little rebellion and insolence. By now, a typical Crow recruit would have been stretched on the rack a few times, sent to the La Frusta more than a few times, and most like have been killed, if they hadn’t bended knee and kissed the ring by then. But you? No visits to the La Frusta, no visits to the rack, no death.”_   
_  
_ After two years, two years of endlessly fighting against as much as she could, the final piece of the puzzle is revealed and Valaria could kick herself, smack her head on the wall for not realizing sooner.

_They tolerate it because they must. They tolerate her defiance because they cannot just kill her and be done with it.  They will tolerate and continue to find ways to break her, break her mind and spirit to be as loyal to them and their cause like Adanni and Tomas, and  Tybo and so many others that are. They tolerate it because they can simply turn around and take their anger out on the others, those who are not mages. Because they can start over with newer ones, fresher ones, break new non mage children in, because they are so many more of them than they are of her, Adanni,  Tybo, and the others in her dorm._

_The Guildmaster’s words, from the time she was captured after the first time she ran away._   


**_“As a mage you are more valuable to us than a good portion of recruits, apprentices and assassins. We will do what we must to do what is needed.”_ **

**_She takes note that they did not list the higher ranks. The Masters, the Guildmaster’s apprentices, the Talon. Everyone else, despite the amount of resources and training, were expendable._ **

_They will kill their own people first before they kill a mage they were able to buy from a family before the Chantry came._

“Valaria?”  
  
She shakes her head, dispelling the memory, and once more shoving down the thoughts of rage and horror at it all. The feeling of helplessness. It does her no good here.

“I need to study,” she says pointedly, looking down at her book. “I’d rather not stir up trouble for once, now that I’m finally allowed in here. You best do the same.” She glances at him again. “We can talk later.”  
  
Deyros smiles at that and nods, and turns in his chair, opening the book in his hands.

She watches him for a moment, then turns to her own book, her mind still thinking about what that conversation revealed,and ultimately her dilemma.   
  
If she stops rebelling, if she finally just stops, breaks, bends knee, and kisses the ring, swears loyalty, others will no longer pay for her stubbornness, her defiance, her refusal.

As much as she hates them all here, a part of her hates that they suffer because of her.

But, if she stops, she stops being herself. She becomes like them. She becomes cold, callous, heartless, cruel. She becomes someone she does not want to be.

But then there is also the fact, that even if she does break, bend, kiss, others will still suffer, others are still beaten and abused, forced to believe in the cause of the Crows, and be mindlessly loyal to their tormentors.

Stopping her rebellion does not save anyone, despite what they all tell her. Things will continue as it were.

So, she has to harden herself to it all, but still be herself.   
  
She has to refuse to let herself feel guilty, to be made to be feel guilty over the deaths and abuses of others, because they still happen. Because not everyone lives up to the standards the Crows, this House, have set. She cannot stop it, she cannot prevent them…

So in the end all she can do.. Is continue to fight.

Despite everything.

 

 

 

****

**9:20**

**2 Months Later**

**11 Years Old**

  


 

Her classes and training have now moved to something else.

Pairings.

  
Mages are to train with non mages now. To see who will work well with who. Some Houses prefer their assassins to learn to work alone unless they need to bring in others. House D’Evaliste prefer to have their assassins learn how to work as a unit with others, whether with the warriors they have, or other assassins, or the mages they end up bringing with them.

To the chagrin of a couple of her fellow non mages, she is paired with three of them, to go through training with them for the next couple months. Two of them are not thrilled, just as she is not thrilled to work with either of them.

Deyros is the third.

When she is paired with the, she spots a few bruises on his arms and his cheek.

“Well this is great,” one of the others, Ursula, snaps. “The fire bitch and the transfer.”  
  
She glares at them. “Call me a bitch one more time and you’ll lose your hair, Ursi.”

The human girl glares right back. “I’ll cut yours off in the night in return.”  
  
Valaria grins, rocking back on her heels.  “Oh, well then, best of luck getting past all the wards for for the magery dorm. And then getting past the others. They may not like me, but no one likes intruders in their bedroom.”   
  
Ursula scowls, and the  other nudges her to silence.  She turns to Deyros.   
  
“Transfer?”   
  
He shrugs. “I was in another House until it was revealed that one of the Master’s there was my actual uncle. They didn’t like that, so I got sent here.”   
  
“And been a nuisance ever since,” the other boy adds.

Deyros smirks. “It’s what I’m good at.”

Valaria smiles a little at that, feeling kinship with someone for the first time since coming here.

“Great, we’re both going to get lashed with failure because of these two.”

“We are, she won’t,” Ursula says, her words teeming with resentment. “Mages don’t get the whip.”

_No, they just get their magic nullified, thrown into darkness, subsumed in the very element that makes them feel like their being smothered and drowned, the occasional beating…_.

Their Allentore comes in then and soon the instructions are made clear. Valaria is to watch her ‘partners’  as they sneak and steal across the bare floor. As the mage, she is essentially their secret weapon, their job is to dismantle any traps or any other possible threats before she is to join them.

They are in the open field that is between the crowded dorms and the main estate. The traps have been set. The others have been learning to sneak around for two years now.   
  
No doubt some have died from this, either from the traps or other perceived failures. Before it was her groups turns, she saw how other things fell into place for those who were able evade traps and ensure safety for mages… but tripped something in the end that caused them to essentially be seen, so to speak.

For some the Allentore lashed over their heads, not hitting them.

For others… the lash struck.   
  
“You made sound! You were heard!” Snap! She starts as she hears the Allentore yell, and then winces as the whip lashes out, striking the one he was yelling at.

Tormen. 

She fisted her hands as she saw that lash hit him several times. And she ached to go over there, and grab that whip and set fire to it. She feels her skin heat and she forces herself to calm down.

There is nothing she can do.

A hand gently squeezes her shoulder and she turns to snap at the one touching her and she pauses as it’s Deyros. He smiles as if he’s understanding, then drops his hand.

Soon, soon it will be their turn.

  


*******************

 

 

  
  
The three of them, Ursula, Deyros, Viktor all made it across the field with ease. Traps disabled, none of them caused ‘sounds’ or were apparently ‘seen. They were able to stay in the shadows.

  
The Allentore jerks his hand towards her, indicating her to step across. Supposedly it should be safe.

She feels every eye on her as she takes the path indicated. If all went the way it should, her joining them on the other side of the field should be without trouble.   
  
She’s halfway across when she sees the glint in the grass. It was in the section that Ursula had walked through. She missed a trap?   
  
She continued to move though, and found a way to avoid the small glinting gleaming trap. When she made it across to the others, all three looked relieved and she glanced at Ursula.   
  
“You missed one,” she says quietly.   
  
“You were supposed to stop if you saw one,” Ursula hisses.   
  
“Which is how the others got found out, and they got lashed,” she shoots back, keeping her voice low. “Do you want five lashings?”   
  
Ursula’s eyes narrow on her. “I’d rather take the lashings than be beholden to you, witch.”   
  
“And I rather not have to see it, it’ll spoil my day,” she snarls as quietly as she can. “And be spared your resentful glares as you blame me for your lashings.”   
  
“She has you there Urse,” Deyros mutters.

“Shut up!” Viktor hisses as the Allentore proceeds to beckon them come back across.

 

 

 

****************  
**

 

 

At the end they got singled out.

Valaria tensed at that. Being singled out was never good.

  
“It seems we have only one group that sees that to be successful is to be united and to not give away potential problems. All but one of you stumbled. All of you at least didn’t notice one  trap, but only one made sure not to give it away.”   
  
The Allentore’s eyes rested on the three with Valaria. “Despite how insolent and troublemaking your mage is, you three, she prevented harm coming your way, and proceed to avoid a trap one of you failed to take note of. Lucky indeed you were today. Keep this in mind to you all as you nurse those bruised egos and aching backs- The only successful group is the one that can make up for mistakes of others. Your successes rely on all of you- as well as your failures.”

Was that praise? Was she actually happy with getting praise?   
  
She didn’t like that. She didn’t want to feel happy being praised by them.

“See Urse? The troublemaker was actually useful,” Viktor says, offering her a slight smile.

She didn’t like that either.   
  
Ursula glares at her. “I’m not thanking you.”   
  
“I don’t want it.”

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You refusing will look bad on us three,” Viktor says in a annoyed tone, but his eyes held concern.
> 
> Valaria refuses, and others pay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Child Abuse is a heavy warning in this chapter.

**A Year Later**

**9:21**

**12 Years Old**

 

For the last year, joint training lessons went along at a fast pace. She assigned to the same people who she had the first time- Deyros, Ursula, and Viktor. 

Oddly enough, she found herself enjoying these lessons, despite the dangers and everything in them. Her pulse raced during them, her mind was challenged, and her magic was useful- in one instance she  was able to burn away a huge blockade they had to get through. 

Sometimes the simplest ways were the best, and even the Allentore agreed.

“Distractions are key,” he said with a smile. “You provided it, while also staying to the shadows. Your assassins got through to the target, the targets gaurds were distracted by the fire. Excellent work.”   
  
That was the only downside.

  
Being praised. 

After a year of it , and their group being one of the standouts, the praise and her response to it was driving her crazy. It kept her so off balance she wasn’t even causing much trouble-because she was having fun. 

  
__ Fun.    
  
She didn’t want to have fun, she didn’t want to hear those damned words of praise ,and yet a part of her liked hearing of them and oh she hated that. And because she was having fun and not causing her usual trouble, no doubt the others thought she was finally falling in line. 

They still didn’t always get along. Viktor was usually uneasy whenever she had used her magic and her trying to get him used to it by having fire dance on her fingers while instructions were given didn’t seem to help. She thought it would, the fire dance was always calming to her…

She and Ursula…. She and Ursula continued to butt heads. Argue. Snipe at each other.    
  
She and Deyros… well they continued their lunches together, and they occasionally met up in the library under the usual watchful eye of others. 

Deyros got along well with Viktor, and seemed to delight in aggravate Ursula. 

But despite all that, they worked well together. They focused. They functioned. The majority of the lessons Valaria realized soon after they started, was about group and team work, studying each others weaknesses and strengths, working around mistakes but not signaling the mistake was there. 

“Talon visit tonight,” Ursula huffs as Valaria finally joins them at the end of their course. “I heard Elias mentioning it.”   
  
Elias. One of the higher ranks who Ursula was trying to get to apprentice under.    
  
“Another bend and kiss the ring,” Deyros mutters.   


She will not.   
  
Absolutely not.  
  
“Oh I know that look. Guess you haven’t been tamed after all?” Ursula drawls, once more glaring at Valaria.    
  
“You refusing will look bad on us three,” Viktor says in a annoyed tone, but his eyes held concern. 

She clenches her jaw. She will not feel guilt. She will not feel guilt at refusing. Nor at the suffering of her refusal. 

Ursula just scoffs at her lack of response.    
  
  


 

 

 

**Later That Night**

 

 

 

The Talon has come by. 

She watches him from her spot in the estate, lined up with the others. When she first came here, there were sixty.

Three years later, thirty. 

She watches, feeling anger at the ones who bend their knee, who kiss the Talon’s ring, and then swear their loyalty to him, to the House, to the Crows.   
  
Valaria looked away as the Talon stopped just five down from her. Her gaze met Adanni’s then, and Adanni gave her a look. 

She could practically hear the words. 

_ You’ve been good, my girl. Don’t ruin this.  _

She’d been distracted, too busy to do anything but learn and work with others. 

She will show them that she has not been tamed. 

A punishment will come her way of course, but she can take it. 

“And this is Valaria D’Evaliste,” Guildmaster Shavros says as the Talon comes up to her. 

“I have heard plenty about this one.” Hard eyes narrow on her, and she lifts her chin then, staring straight back. 

She hears an inhalation from someone. 

She will not bend knee. 

 

 

 

************

 

_ “You refusing will look bad on us three.” _

VIktor’s words come back to haunt her as she is forced to watch the consequences of her refusal. 

The Talon was furious. At the Guildmaster. At Adanni, at Tomas. At the Allentores and others. 

It wasn’t just her refusal that angered him. It was Deyros’s as well. But hers just seemed to make something snap. 

And now she was being forced to watch the consequences.

For it wasn’t a beating, or an ice ring, or ice water bath.    
  
It wasn’t any time in Solitaro.   
  
She had been dragged to the Guildmaster’s study, while Deyros, Ursula and Viktor had been escorted roughly out of the estate.    
  
She was yelled at for an hour, and smacked twice. Adanni there to keep her fire contained. 

Then she was escorted to a building that she had only seen, never been in. 

For good reason.

The La Frusta resided there. 

Standing in front of three wooden posts. Ursula, Viktor, Deyros. 

“For your continued insolence, you shall see how it unfolds onto others,” The Talon snarls. He turns to the La Frusta, a thin looking man holdng a long red whip, which as he unfurls she sees a black tip. 

“No blades, this time,” The Talon orders. He turns to the Guildmaster, Tomas and Adanni. “Tie them up.” Then back to the La Frusta/ “Twenty lashes each, on all of them.”    
  
Valaria’s wanted to object, but she catches Deyros’s eyes and he shakes his head. He mouthes one word “Don’t.”    
  
She stills. 

Once all three of her partners are tied, their backs to her, the Talon orders Tomas and Adanni to hold her in place. Adanni does so, her magic of course smothering Valaria’s heat. Tomas’s hand holds her chin. 

Now here she is, being forced to watch as others pay for her refusal. 

Do they want her to call out to stop, to plead with them? To stop this? To stop this and she will bend and do what they want?    
  
She remembers Deyros shaking his head. His mouthed “Don’t.”

“Ten."   
  
She hears the woosh and snap of the whip on flesh, Ursula’s whimpers, Viktor’s groans and Deyros’s grunts. 

They want her to fall to her knees, to beg to stop this, to bend knee. To kiss the ring. 

Tomas’s bends down to her ear. “If you bend, they will stop.”    
  
His words confirm her suspicions, what Deyros’s “Don’t” meant. 

She refuses to acknowledge his words, because yes, they’ll stop. But they’ll still do this to others. To the next one that dares to rebel like her. 

Another crack. A sob now, a louder groan, more grunts.   
  
“Twelve.”

_ Don’t break.  _

_ Don’t break. _

She doesn’t. She wills herself not to. She fists her hands, she forces herself to not cry here. She buries her guilt as much as she can, she tries to build that hard wall around her heart with each lash, grunt, cry, and groan. 

She does not break. 

Although a  part of her wants to.

 


	10. A Little Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valaria has a realization.

******6 Months Later**

**9:21**

 

  
The last few months were… difficult. After her refusal to bend, they realized she was not tamed. That she was not bending to them. 

  
She wanted them to know that. But for some reason she had forgotten those words Adanni had told her, and that lesson was honed in that night.

_ The others were expendable. She was not.  _

The next six months seemed to drive that lesson over and over. Every mistake she made? Even the smallest ones? Ursula, Viktor, and Deyros paid the price for it. Every mistake they made? That could possibly endanger her? They paid the price for it. 

The Allentores took their frustrations out on them more than her. 

_ Deyros came to her after they had recovered, before curfew. Before her other roommates would come back. _

_ “Don’t let them win,” he told her, holding one of her hands. At their ages, he’s taller than her, so he gently tilts her chin up so her gaze meets his. “Don’t let them win, no matter what they do.”  _ __   
__   
_ “I won’t.”  _ __   
__   
_ His eyes narrow on her. “Valaria.. You’ll have to let things happen. Do you understand? Don’t give them an inch to use against you. Even if they have a knife against my throat, don’t bend.”  _ __   
__   
_ She stills at that, blinks. “But--” _ __   
_   
_ __ “No,” he says firmly. “It’ll be an empty threat,” he smirks. “My Uncle has just been promoted to Guildmaster Apprentice. They won’t risk angering a potential Guildmaster. I’m as safe as a Crow can be.” 

_ With that, he lets go of her chin and walks away. _ __   
  
That conversation stuck in her mind, and she kept replaying it over and over, every time over the next few months, using it to bolster her own resolve, her own determination, her own stubborn, fiery nature.    
  


Not long after one particular brutal lesson, one that had her venting about the lack of magic she was prevented from learning, (As much as she enjoyed learning some spells, especially the fire shield and wall she just recently successfully cast, she felt so.. Restricted. Fire was her gift, her innate talent yes- but she wanted to learn more.) she had found a book on storm magic lying under her pillow. 

Deyros. 

She studied the book, in her dorm, when the others weren’t there. She practiced on her own- it was difficult trying to learn a new branch of magic, without another helping her, but Deyros couldn’t do it, and she couldn’t let Adanni,  Tybo or Torvas know. 

Now two months later, she was able to sneakily learn two storm spells- lightning bolt and static charge. The main one she really wanted to give a try was the chain lightning, but that would require more work and time- free time, which was not a lot on hand. 

Which she was taking advantage of now, but her thoughts wandered. Why did they only want to encourage her fire? Why not expand her knowledge in magic? Adanni was most ice and storm, Tybo was healing ,Torvas was entropy- hexes and such. The others in her dorm seemed to be mainly being taught variety, but they were keeping her limited.    


_ Limited. Restrained. Controlled…controlling what she can learn. _

Valaria groans as she finally hits on it. Honestly, she seems so dense to herself. After three years here… why do some things still come to fruit late for her?    
  
_ Property are only allowed to learn so many things. She’s a resource. She’s a tool. Mages are a luxury, a rare item of value for them. You highlight the amenities, the very thing that people may want. _

They want her fire to be a selling point- “You need a group of assassins and a mage to take care of a risky contract? Distractions are needed? What better use than our very own fire mage who can burn things to the ground while our assassins take out those you want dead,” she says out loud in disgust. 

Just when she thinks she can’t hate it here anymore, even little things like this just add on to it a little more. 


	11. Young Romance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She frowns. “My birthday is not until next week.”
> 
> “Well I may not have the opportunity to give it to you next week.” 
> 
> She rolls her eyes. “What is it?”
> 
> A hand reaches out and grasps her chin. He’s done this plenty of times in the past, mainly to get her attention- sometimes her attention wanders completely around, consumed with thoughts that she knows she can’t voice. “Deyros?”
> 
> He does answer, and she stills as he leans down and..
> 
> Kisses her.
> 
> It’s only for a few seconds. Then he stops, and steps back.
> 
> “Happy birthday, Laria,” he says softly, before walking away as she finds herself reeling from the simple action.

**A Year Later**

**9:22**

**13 Years Old**

 

 

  
  
The training is getting harsher. She’s seen four apprentices, four assassins being apprentice, killed in front of her during lessons in the last two weeks.   
  
Before then, she’s seen fifteen killed. And those were just the apprentices. 

Killed by their own mentors. 

The first time she saw one killed in front of her, was a shock and she instinctively tried to move forward, to make the Allentore pay, but both Viktor  and Deyros grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her back. 

After the seventh death, she barely flinched.  
  
When the tenth death came, her fire didn’t even flicker. She realized then, later on that night, she was accepting those deaths, that the Crows were in essence, making death seem cheap to her, at least visually. She hasn’t killed anyone yet herself, but she knows there will be a day when she has to.    
  
Is this why they do it?    
  
So they know that death happens, so they don’t flinch from performing the act themselves?   
  
_ They need you to be killers, _ she thinks.  _ They need you to not feel as you take life. So they take life in front of you until you no longer care.  _

And she was getting there. Is there a way she can kill, and still keep herself from not caring? If she has to be stuck like this, forced to be one of theirs forever, how can she remain sane, keep her soul, while she takes life after life while in their service? 

She grabs her pillow and shoves it on top of her, muffling her agonized groan over this.

The only comfort she takes in how she is handling the people she finds herself caring for have not come under the wrath of their mentors for any perceived failings.  Ursula and Viktor strangely did not resent her for the whipping- the fact she had to witness it seemed to be satisfying for them both- she doesn’t understand how they don’t resent her and hate her even more thoroughly but it makes things a little easier. They are not friends, never will be, but.. There’s a respect between them? 

Respect she supposes. 

Also she thinks it didn’t hurt she saved both Ursula and Viktor from a pair of angry and rampaging boars- she had to burn the poor animals to near death to keep it from killing him- she loved animals and it hurt to hear the whining squeals. 

She flings the pillow off of her, and it hits the bed next to her. It gets tossed back to her, the other mage muttering about bratty elves before turning over. She doesn’t acknowledge it choosing to let her thoughts wander over someone else.

Deyros. 

Deyros with his odd way of rebelling. Despite that one night where they both refused to bend, she saw him continue to be deferential, respectful. She confronted him about it one night, wondering if the one ally, the one person she had felt kinship with had finally broken. 

But no, Deyros had assured her he had not. Then winked at her, telling her to watch him more closely. 

She did. 

In between the deaths of those failing to live up to standards (and some for failing in their first contracts) she watched him.    
  
Deyros was careful in his rebellion. Unlike her. She was up front and right in the face of everyone. He was restrained, less impulsive, weaving his way into the trust of others. He smiled, he laughed, he.. charmed. So when he did his little moments of acting out, they were ignored- except when he had refused to bend. 

He seems almost daredevil like, toeing the line just so, then doing something outrageous that makes her see the rebel. Where she goes all out, he sneaks in.    
  
Deyros seems to think also they won’t do much beyond the beatings and lashings to him. He’s had many of those- she saw the marks, the scars on his back. He thinks because of his relation to an Apprentice Guildmaster, he has some sort of armor. 

  
A part of her hopes he does. That they can continue to rebel together. 

 

 

 

**2 Months Later**

**9:22**

**13 Years Old**

 

 

 

Valaria looks up from the storm magic book, as someone knocks on the door to her dorm. She shoves it under the pillow, just in case. 

  
Others have learned to not simply enter the mage dorm at will. A fireball from her, a shot of lighting from another, and a arcane blast from two other mages made that perfectly clear to anyone that it was not welcomed. 

“Who is it?” She calls out.

“Deyros.”    
  
Of course it is. So close to curfew. She hurries past the beds, and flings open the door. “Deyros.”   
  
“Eh, So I’m going to be breaking curfew again,” he grins, his blue eyes gleaming. “And I thought you were the rebel?”   
  
“I take advantage of studying un approved magic,” she scowls. “Before everyone comes back.”   
  
“Oh come on now, Laria,” he teases, using the nickname he gave her so long ago. “And here I am with a birthday gift to give you.”   
  
She frowns. “My birthday is not until next week.”   
  
“Well I may not have the opportunity to give it to you next week.”    
  
She rolls her eyes. “What is it?”   
  
A hand reaches out and grasps her chin. He’s done this plenty of times in the past, mainly to get her attention- sometimes her attention wanders completely around, consumed with thoughts that she knows she can’t voice. “Deyros?”   
  
He does answer, and she stills as he leans down and..

Kisses her. 

It’s only for a few seconds. Then he stops, and steps back. 

“Happy birthday, Laria,” he says softly, before walking away as she finds herself reeling from the simple action. 

After a few minutes, she blinks and shakes herself out of her stupor, glad that the curfew bell hasn’t rung yet, so therefore no one has come across her looking probably stunned. 

She doesn’t know what to do with this, what he did. She closes the door and then goes back to her bed. Studying is no longer an option. 

She places a finger against her lip, and despite everything, she smiles to herself.

 

 

  
**9:23**

**14 Years Old**

 

 

  
Valaria’s not sure right now what’s harder.  
  
Trying not to set every single person around her on fire, or hiding her growing and most likely highly unapproved relationship with Deyros.

There’s a definite thrill being able to somehow hide something else from all those eyes on her. 

They don’t really get to do much- not with so little time to themselves. But hidden spots in dark corners can get soft kisses. Visits before the curfew bell strikes have them sitting sitting together on her bed, just for a few minutes. She hoards each moment they have. 

He seems to be doing so too. 

Right now, this is such a moment.    
  
“I could contact my Uncle,” he says soflty, kissing her cheek. “He’s the Guildmaster now in his House. See if the both of us can get transferred there? The Talon wasn’t the one that objected to my presence really, just so many others did.”   
  
“How did you end up in the Crows?” She asks, not really addressing his comment. “They didn’t… they didn’t buy you?”    
  
“No,” he murmurs, his thumb running over her hand. “Sort of? I suppose. Mother was struggling in the Rialto Alienage, she needed the money, my Uncle came along and offered. He pays her some coin once a month and I get training. He was able to get permission and everything. Mother doesn’t have to kill herself working to feed and clothe me, and.. I--”   
  
“Get beaten every day.”   
  
“Oh, it’s not every day.”    
  
“Deyros.”   
  
“It’s fine Laria. I accepted it. I get the occasional letter from her. She loves me.”   
  
Valaria pulls away from that. “She sold you.” Like my mother did. “Any way you tell it, Deyros, she still sold you.” 

Deyros’s jaw sets, and she recognizes that stubborn look.   
  
“You need to go,” she says quickly. “Otherwise--”   
  
“Yeah,” he says sounding annoyed and she doesn’t care right now. He moves quickly, his anger showing in his movements, as well as the firm slam of the door behind him.

Well, what a nice ending to one of their moments.

Two nights later he comes to her dorm. He looks down, and sighs.   
  
“I’m sorry,” he murmurs. “I just didn’t see it that way. Didn’t want to see it that way.”    
  
She nods. “I wasn’t trying to ruin your view of her but.. With all the tricks the Crows do with the truth, the way they manipulate things…”   
  
“I understand,” he says softly, then bends down to kiss her on the cheek. 

 


	12. Some Demons Are Not Just In The Fade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They may as well be her demons. The Fade really has nothing on the ones she has to contend with day after day.

**9:23**

**3 Months Later**

**14 Years Old**

 

“Why are we here?” Valaria asks Adanni and Tomas as she’s lead into what she called the weapons room. It’s where all the weapons for the apprenticing assassins were. Where they went to pick the very weapon they would start killing with.    
  
It wasn’t just her here though. Ursula, Viktor, Deyros as well. 

“To choose,” Adanni says simply, leading her down the aisles of weapons- swords, knives, little knives, axes, hand axes… Endless rows of weapons, tables with weapons.    
  
To choose… she glances back at the others.    
  
“Tomas, please help out the three with their first weapon, while I take Valaria to the staffs.”    
  
Tomas nods, and Valaria whirls back around to Adanni.

“Staffs? I get to look at staffs? Am I picking one?” Adanni nods, and Valaria rocks back on her heels, trying her best to contain her excitement.    


She wants a staff. Badly. Tybos’s is beautiful, and so is Adanni’s when she saw it. Magic seems to be more controlled with a staff, or as she's been told, staff and free hand wielding together has more control than just the free hand. It would be nice to be able to have more control over how hers is directed- she may be casting it, but her own control is very loose. 

“Come along my dear,” Adanni beckons and Valaria takes several quick steps to keep up. She’s only grown a little more in the past couple years- she’s still short, so she has to walk quickly to keep up with everyone. 

She comes to one end of the weapons room with Adanni, stopping short at a wall. Adanni places her hand against it, and she sees waves of magic, just barely, like a several thin streams waver in front of her. Then the door slides open and Valaria’s eyes widen.  
  
__ Staffs.    
  
_So many._   
  
“Just concentrate on the staffs for now,” Adanni says as Valaria runs in, seeing all sorts of items. She keeps turning in circles trying to take it all in.    
__   
Scrolls, and books, and potions, vials… pendants, rings, belts. 

Robes in one corner, leather clothes in another corner. And then at the end of the large room..  Are the  [ very staffs  ](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/de/4e/45/de4e45cd0c5b873323b823d88c599bc3.jpg) she had noticed when the door slid open. She moves quickly over to them, and finds herself standing in right in front of a row of four of them that catch her interest. 

“First staffs are always given at the age of fourteen,” Adanni says from behind. “You will get another when you reach sixteen.”    
  
Valaria starts to reach out towards them, but the first two seem to just… push her hand away.    
  
“That blue one was my first,” Adanni murmurs.   
  
Her eyes land on the one on the left. Gold colored, much taller than her, then again everything was, but right in the middle, as if protected by the two arching in  prongs,  [ rested what looked like flames.  ](http://img.cadnav.com/allimg/140730/1-140I0164H4.jpg)

She leaned forward and did not feel a pushback, but a tug as if the magic was pulling her forward. Her fingertips touched the upper part- the golden section and her magic just settles in her, as if the fire in her realizes it found something it needs. Her fingertips drag slowly downward until it touches the cool black stone of the shaf and she curls her fingers around it, lifting it up and away from it’s resting hook.|

_ *It’s not heavy at all…* _

She brings it close, holding it against her side, and she closes her eyes. Everything in her is humming now- the magic in her always hummed, but this felt different. 

It felt right. 

She has her staff. 

_ This was hers.  _

_ Hers. _

  
  
  


 

 

**Two Weeks Later**

**9:23**

**14 Years Older**

 

 

 

Magic came easier with the staff to help her ground it. She still was able to make her fire dance, but it was as if there was more balance between the fire running through her.    
  
In her rare moments of privacy, she was able to better cast lightning and static charge, and she was making progress on chain lightning. But she had to be so very careful. She had to time learning and practicing these at particularly noisy parts of the day. 

A part of her deep down was sure that she would get caught, so she tried her best not to. 

Deyros was not helping. 

She told him so.

“How am I not helping?” He asks, sounding wounded. “I’m the one that got you that book. Void, I’m the one making sure enough noise is being made during your practices.”   
  
“Don’t be so touchy,” she huffs.    
  
“Brat.”   
  
She rolls her eyes.    
  
“Just try not to do the chain lightning one again. Only reason no one noticed was because  Tybo and Adanni were dueling.”   
  
Ah yes, dueling. She wasn’t allowed to take part in that yet. Something about being too.. Oh yes…

Wild and unpredictable. 

Just because she sent a few fireballs towards some of the most nastiest of her fellow Housemates during one exhibition of that. 

Once again, the enjoyment she received from the all the started movements, scurrying to get out of the way and flinches she received whenever she walked them all after made the four hour trip to Adanni’s ice ring worth it. 

“How are you dreams?”   
  
She shrugs. Her dreams have always been odd and unsettling- it’s the consequence of being a mage. The Fade. The occasional..visitor. Demon perhaps? A spirit. She doesn’t really recall much from them- she’s still herself, still in control of her mind, her thoughts, her heart, her body… so no doubt she has not tried to make a deal with them. However tempting it may be-- to get that power and then to just reign it down on this House.    
  
But no- to deal is to sacrifice her soul, the soul she is trying hard to keep in one piece, despite the violence and deaths of some of her housemates she has been wtiness to that seem to be making her feel.. Indifferent. She has enough erosion there that she has no wish to lose everything she wants to keep whole.    
  
To deal is to sacrifice her sanity, her own spirit, her conscience. 

So she resists. Even if her dreams are hazy thoughts. 

However since she got her staff there seems to be a peace in her dreams. She still gets visitors, but just like before, it’s hazy in the end as she wakes.    
  
“It’s fine. Just the Fade as usual.” 

If there are demons that want to tempt her, they barely attempt to try.   
  
Perhaps they sense she’d be too hard to possess?    
  
She snorts at her own thoughts, getting an odd look from Deyros. She does another shrug, and he sighs, getting up. He kisses her softly on the cheek and then walks back towards the other buildings.

In the end, it seems the only ones that want her to break are the Crows. The only ones that want to possess her, are the Crows.    
  
They may as well be her demons. The Fade really has nothing on the ones she has to contend with day after day. 

 


	13. Plots and a First Contract

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> House D'Evaliste plot to break their fiery mage who won't bend.
> 
> Valaria and her unit get their first contract.

**2 Weeks Later**

**The Guildmaster’s Study**

  
  


“The Talon is preparing for to come once more during the next the Reaffirmation Ceremony.”   
  
The next one is in just a few  months, soon after the new year comes.    
  
Adanni glances at Tomas who raises an eyebrow and she turns back to the Guildmaster.    
  
“Guildmaster Shavros?”   
  
“The two elves- the boy Deyros, and the fire mage, Valaria. They will bend to the man when he arrives. They will kiss his ring, they will kiss mine, and they will swear loyalty.”   
  
“She’s come some ways, Guildmaster- but she’s still willful, stubborn, insolent,” Adanni says hesitantly. Deyros and Valaria have held out the absolute longest, the longest any  recruit she has seen come through this house.

A hand slams down on the desk and she meets the gaze of her furious Guildmaster.   
  
“This is not a suggestion,” he snarls, his eyes flashing. “The Talon is demanding it. Rightfully so. This is shameful, absolutely shameful. We have a reputation for being the House that breaks their recruits the quickest, a reputation for getting those who survive to bend knee. Four years. She’s been year for four years and counting. And she still is not broken. She is still defiant, and willful and stubborn. That spirit of hers needs to be crushed. Her refusal to bend just emboldens the other one even more.” He runs a hand through his hair. “Find something that will break that girl, break him as well.”   
  
“If we could put both on the post for the La Frusta, it may be the simplist option”   
  
“Absolutely not!” Adanni protests. “No mage on the post, no mage to the whip. There are reasons, Tomas.”   
  
The man just holds up a hand. “It  was just a suggestion.”    
  
“An unsuitable one,” The Guildmaster growls. “We can do it for the boy, make the girl watch, but it may just make them closer. It brought that group of theirs to an accord somehow.” He sighs. “Speaking of that, a contract has been put forward. The only group who meets the standards is that insolent fire mage and her trio. See to it that they are made ready- they will be having their first kill very soon and work on a way to break those two before the Talon’s visit!” 

 

 

 

  
**Two Days Later**

**  
** **Adanni’s quarters**

 

 

 

There is a knock on her door. 

 

She gets up, annoyed at having her reading interrupted- a new story by an author from the Free Marches, and heads over to the door.   
  
Tomas is on the other side, and beside him is…

“Pallas.”   
  
The young man shifts on his feet looking nervous. The human boy is one of the mages that shares the dorm with all current ones they are training. No particular talent that stands out, but easily learns from every branch. 

“This young man has some news that will help us in the Guildmaster’s request,” Tomas says softly. 

Adanni arches an eyebrow and she looks back at the young man, who seems quite eager to spill.    
  
“Oh?”   
  
He nods, his curly brown hair flopping about. “I saw them kissing.” 

Them.    
  
“Valaria and--”   
  
“Deyros. She also had a magic book. I saw it.”   
  
Interesting. But-- “She is allowed to study from the books on the fire branch. She got permission to do so.”    
  
Pallas shakes his head. “I’m sorry, Guildmaster Apprentice Mage Adanni, but it’s not fire she’s learning. It’s storm. I also saw Deyros give her a book on healing.” 

So. She’s secretly learning other branches of magic, or attempting to, and involved in an illicit relationship. 

Some Houses turned a blind eye to the occasional relationship, usually among their higher ranks if it fosters a better working team.. And if it can be used against one of their own as a lesson. 

Some Houses strictly forbid it- group and team work are encouraged because it is needed, learning to trust and rely on your partners in dangerous contracts is necessary. Romances can complicate things. 

House D’Evaliste falls into the latter. Every year the conduct of those in the House is explicitly recited. No exceptions. Valaria and Deyros know the conduct code for the House.    
  
This is information they can keep close to the vest, and use it when they can. It just a couple pieces, a couple things they can use, but it’s not quiet enough. They need more. 

“Thank you Pallas. You have been most helpful.”   
  
The boy smiles widely, bows to them both and runs off. 

Tomas watches him and then he turns back to her. “The secret relationship can get him some lashes, but I think the boy is pretty much used to those by now. Her being forced to watch will make them get closer I think. They’ll find a way to be  together even if kept away.”   
  
“Oh young puppy love,” Adanni drawls, bracing a hand on the doorway. “Such a shame to see it drowned.” She sighs. “We’ll need more than just his word though. Actual evidence. More witnesses than just Pallas. Because just Pallas will not be enough.” 

Tomas smiles. “Our Talon has a temper…”   
  
She frowns at him. “How do you go from talking about getting more on Valaria and Deyros to the Talon.”   
  
“He was angry last time they both refused to bend and kiss. Furious he had the entire group lashed and have her forced to watch. How do you think he’ll react if he gets news ahead of time that the two bringing shame on our House are canoodling in secret, and she’s defying orders on her magic by secretly learning other branches? Then add in her and him most likely and definitely refusing to bend and kiss during his visit….”   
  
Adanni fills in the blanks herself, not needing to say the rest. “Well, well, Tomas, I forgot how devious you can be. Not bad. It just may work.”

  
  


 

 

**2 Weeks Later**

**Guildmaster’s Study**

 

 

The Guildmaster is standing in front of them, Adanni and Tomas at their backs.

"It is time to put to use those skills you have been honing and learning," he drawls. He has a roll of parchment in his hands. 

"A protest is forming in the streets of Rialto," he informs them. "Humans and elves not happy with the working conditions of one of our lords. He has been able to figure out the pot stirrers. You four are to take care of the five targets listed." He hands the parchmen to 

"Yes, Guildmaster," Ursula intones, and then bows her head. "For D'Evaliste, the Crows, and Antiva."

The Guildmaster smiles. Then his eyes land on Valaria. "Do well, my dear," he says softly. 

_Don't mess up_ , she hears. 

She remembers Adanni's story. If this fails, they will die.   
  
She won't. **  
**


	14. A First Contract Completed... And A Kiss Seen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first contract is completed. 
> 
> Unfortunately, an innocent kiss is seen by another.

**  
** **3 Days Later**

**Rialto, Antiva**

**14 Years Old**

****  
  


 

Tomas and Adanni dropped them off in the busy streets of Rialto. Before they had left, Adanni had cast a spell, one she yearned to learn. 

A glamour spell to make her staff look like a sword.

Her staff now looks like a walking stick of sorts. It's a little odd but it doesn't give her any strange looks as they now walk through the streets.

They are currently in a inn, paid by Adanni and Tomas who told them they would arrive in four days. They had three days to complete their contract- five targets that according to the information, should be easy to get. 

The fourth day is supposed to be when a large protest is supposed to happen. They want the leaders and organizers dead as a demotivation. 

Deyros and Viktor has snuck out to do reconnaissance, while she and Ursula went over what they could do- the map of the area they were given, where the targets will be. 

Valaria... was itching to run, while also fretting about doing this. She's seen death many times now, but this would be the first time she would be actively participating in it.

"Ursi..."

"What?"

"Have you.. killed anyone yet?"

Ursula glances up from the map. "It was how I was recruited. I killed a guard who was trying to kill my sister. A Crow walked by and witnessed it."

Oh. All this time training together and she didn't know. 

"Did you feel anything?"

"Satisfaction," she says simply. "My sister is alive, my family is being taken care of and I have something to do that doesn't put pressure on them." Her eyes narrow on her. "You'll be fine, witch. Most likely you won't have to do anything except cause a distraction."

She nods and looks away. "I suppose it's ridiculous to worry about taking life." 

"Not for you I guess, troublemaker. But.. after all this time training, I kind of get it? But I'm not you. I can't be like you." 

She understands. 

 

************

 

 

Deyros and Viktor return with their reports.\

Two of the leaders frequent a cafe. Ursula sees that as an easy opportunity. Poison their food and drink. Make sure to see them die. 

Two others tend to visit the local tavern at night and leave a bit drunk. More easy targets. 

The fifth one... 

The fifth one will be tricky. 

They leave discussion on the fifth one at a pause. First, they decide to handle the other four. 

It's evening when she and Ursula are at the cafe- the two targets having dinner. The boys have split up to go after the tavern ones. 

The cook of the cafe was easy to intimidate.

"Let me put this in their food and drink or my friend will barbecue you," Ursula says with a smile when they invaded the kitchen. Valaria offers her own bright smile, rocks back on her heels and offers a bright ball of fire hovering above her fingers.

Said cook let it happen. 

Ursula killed the cook after the food went out. Valaria wrinkled her nose as the blood went..all over and into the food.

_ Not good. _

And she realizes as she walks out of the kitchen she was now more worried over blood getting in the food over the fact that someone just..died. 

Creators, the Crows have screwed her all up. 

They watch their targets from their table, and soon Valaria watches with a faint trace of horror (at least she's feeling a little something she thinks with relief) as their skin turns different colors, and they start shaking. 

People start to notice and go over, attempt to help.

One of the targets falls out of their chair, and onto the ground with a thud.

No longer moving.

"Fire," Ursula mutters.

Valaria understands and with everyone distracted by a sudden cry of someone yelling out the cook is dead, she uses her staff to send a line of fire straight to the table clothes as the second body drops to the ground. 

People start yelling about all sorts of things at once and the two of them simply walk out of the cafe, unnoticed.

The boys were successful with their two, and they came back to their joint room, smugly satisfied. Deyros's brightly gleaming eyes meet hers and Valaria feels herself warm before looking away. 

They talk about the fifth one and decide to try to work something out tomorrow. Four out of the five are dead and they still have two days left.

 

******

 

 

Valaria and Deyros are taking advantage of being left alone by Viktor and Ursula. 

They're taking advantage that their not being watched almost constantly by Crows. 

It's afternoon, and the two others  went hunting for information on the final target. Valaria and Deyros promised to think up something by the time they came back.

Instead... 

Instead their using an opportunity where no one is going to discover them.

She's lying on the bed, hands curled in his hair, as he kisses her, one hand cupping her cheek, another stroking down her side. 

No rushed kisses or hidden smiles. 

No teasing hidden comments, no secretive glances. 

No worries or fears of being discovered.

It was a heady thing for the two of them. 

"I want to find all your freckles," he murmurs against her mouth.

"Ugh, don't remind me of my freckles." She pushes at him, and he laughs as she sits up, bracing herself on her elbows. "They're everywhere and all over, it's ridiculous."

His eyes lit up and she smacks his arm. He just laughs and pulls her forward, kissing her cheeks, then her arms, every spot that has freckles, before moving to her neck. 

She wants to forget everything and just stay here. 

She feels him press a kiss on her neck that sends a tingle down her back and her skin warms up.

"You're always so warm," he says softly kissing back up to her mouth, his hand running through her hair. 

Valaria sighs. "Fire mage." 

"I know." One more kiss and then he sighs. "They should be back soon," he murmurs.

"Annnd fun is over." 

Deyors pulls away from her and heads over to the scattered maps and notes they had. "Oh not all the fun is over Laria." He grins. "We might have a day to sight see before Adanni and Tomas pick us back up."

Once more her thoughts go to running. Her and Deyros. 

But no... they have a phylactery on her. They'll track her down easily. 

She can't escape. 

A gentle hand cups her chin, banishing her depressing thoughts. He smiles as if he knows what she was thinking.   
  
“I sent a letter to my Uncle. Like I said, he’s the Guildmaster in his House now. Asking for a transfer for both of us. Maybe… he’ll say yes.”    
  
“Do you think so?” She dares to hope.   
  
He shrugs. “I like to think so. I mean.. I’m his nephew, just because he’s Guildmaster doesn’t meant he’s going to turn his back on me.” 

 

 

**************

The fifth target…   
  


The fifth target was not easy to corner.    
  


They decided to do it at night. 

Word had already spread about the deaths of the others, and they caught wind of those who wanted to protest were backing down. But their last target was trying to rally them, and refused to go into hiding despite requests.    
  
So now.. they had to deal with extras. 

Three extras. 

The four of them were trailing the target in the shadows. Who had three of his friends with him. 

Ursula and Viktor were up ahead, trying to herd them down a series of alleys, where Valaria and Deyros would block them. 

 

 

 

***************

 

 

She hits the ground hard, trying to duck the bolt of magic thrown her way.

Their fifth target was a mage.

Or, Apostate as Ursula cried out. 

He was clever to hide it. And they hadn't taken that into account. 

The others were easily able to kill the three friends, despite the fight. But this one... they were up against a mage. Four in training assassins against an Apostate. 

Said Apostate came striding towards her, as the others scrambled to their feet, and she felt an arm grab her. 

"So you're the ones that are causing the trouble," he sneers. "A short little thing like you?"

Her green eyes darken and her fire flares up, and he yelps in shock as she ends up burning him, just as Viktor and Deyros make their attacks. He's still moving though, and she decides to use one of her non fire spells..lightning strike. 

It sends him down to the ground twitching and she pants from the use of magic  that strike needed. 

Ursula gets up, grabs the dagger that Viktor had plunged into the leg of the Apostate and stabbed him in the heart. 

"There, contract finished." Ursula growls and then turns to face Valaria. "You're being taught storm magic?" 

Valaria grimaces.

"Never mind, that just saved our hides. I'm not saying anything." She strides over to her. "Not bad, witch."

Despite the reasoning behind it, Valaria just smirks. Despite how loyal to the cause Ursula is, she's showing that she's willing to keep her mouth shut on things.

_ Guess there is something to working with a team.  _

"Can we go?" Deyros speaks up. "I would like to get back to our room and pass out. Someone fell down on intel."

"It was a slip, not everyone is observed closely. Apostates have years of hiding what they are," Viktor argues as they gather themselves. 

The boys continue to argue back and forth on the subject, and as Ursula and Valaria walk behind them Ursula just rolls her eyes.

"Boys," the human girl mutters. 

Valaria keeps an eye on one specific boy in particular. 

*Boys.*

 

**2 Days Later** ****  
**House D’Evaliste Main Estate/Training Home** **  
** **Guildmaster’s Study**

 

They are standing in the Guildmaster's study once more. 

"Well done, all of you. And you finished the contract a day before the required time limit. You all evidently worked well together. That is fine indeed."

Valaria's grimaces at the praise, because she finds herself pleased with and she doesn't want to be. 

She wants to do something that will counter that, but for the sake of the three with her now, she won't.

"I do understand one of the targets was a bit trickier than we were told. Yet you found a way to work with the surprise. Plus no witnesses. Always good. I will keep you four in mind when future contracts come our way. Dismissed-- oh Deyros, a letter from your Uncle."  

As they leave the study, the group decides to go their separate ways. Viktor and Ursula want to speak with the assassins they are apprenticing under, and Deyros wanted to read the letter, but wanted her with them. 

He read the letter as they walked down the stairwell, and then after a few seconds, pulled her underneath.

"He's not going to is he?" 

"It's not that. He said he would talk to their Talon... a mage in their house died, and they have an opening." Deyros grins. "See? A little luck is on our side. It may take a while to convince the Talon though so we just have to wait."

 

 

 

****************

 

 

Tomas is coming out of a room on the upper level when he spots young Deyros pulling Valaria in the darkened corner under the staircase. He sees them talking, and despite how shadowed the area he is, he sees the boy pull her into a brief kiss, before they leave their little cozy spot. 

Well, Pallas's information is confirmed with his own two eyes.  ****  
**  
**


	15. The Calm Before The Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She turned fifteen and got a kiss for it. And then word that the Deyros’s uncle was finally making way with his Talon, and a promise that he’ll have official word soon.
> 
> Then just days after their last contract, one that was surprisingly simple, everything came crashing down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Physical abuse mentioned. A child killing two adults.

**2 Week Later**

 

 

 

Valaria stares at the two bodies in front of her, still shivering as the ice water keeps her cold. 

Once more her defiant stubborn ways caused her to get dragged to a discipline room to be punished. 

Another visit with the Il Punitore, observed by the Allentore who took exception to Valaria disparaging his mother, his lineage, and everything else she could think of to say in the short two minutes she had. 

When faced with the Il Punitore, she just kept going, flinging insult after insult she could. 

Until the ice water splashes. Until the paddle that brought bruises on her legs. 

Then a comment she hardly ever heard, just made her snap.

_ Knife ear.  _

She heard it plenty when in Antiva City, when humans came to the Alieange or when they left to go about in the city. 

She stopped hearing it here. She was more used to hearing fire bitch, witch, little elven troublemaker. All those.

But hearing that again... it just brought back a vague memory of the Alienage, of her mother. 

Of her mother.

Of her mother _selling her._

And she just let loose. 

Instead of fire however…

A huge burst of lightning emerged from her fingers and hit the two men. 

They had been standing in the water. 

Now she stands, her legs aching and sore, and most likely be covered in bruises when they bloom tomorrow and she just looks at the two men. 

Dead men.

Men killed by her magic. 

Before... she had just been witness to, or an accomplice of sorts. She never outright killed. 

But now she has. 

And all she can is frown as she looks at them.

Little streams of smoke rise around them, their skin ashen…

They are dead. 

_ It's oddly satisfying.  _

She blinks in shock at her thought, and then starts as a door is slammed open. Adanni and Tomas are now coming into the room. 

"Valaria...." Adanni whispers. "Valaria what did you do?" 

Suddenly everything comes crashing down on her, and she lets out a hysterical laugh, clasping her fingers over her mouth, and falls down to her knees. 

 

**********

 

"She's not possessed. Just in shock." 

Adanni's gaze flickers the quiet still younger mage on the bed, from the older mages assessment. "Shock, Tybo? Why? She helped kill five people recently."

"She didn't do the killing strike?" Tybo shrugs. "Everyone has their own bit of shock the first time they kill. Sometimes it hits them later,  sometimes sooner. This is just what is. Besides, if she was possessed, we'd all be surrounded by burning wreckage and bodies right now."

"Point." 

"I'll keep her here for another day."

"Not too much longer. The Guildmaster has enough contract for them it appears." Adanni gives Valaria one last look- she's quiet now, but still looking a little stunned and leaves the Healer's infirmary. 

Tomas is of course waiting for her.

"The Talon isn't going to like this," he adds with a slight smile. 

"No, he won't." Adanni says simply.

 

  
*****************

It took a few days for her to come out of her shock- Tybo had kept her confined to the infirmary. A talk with another mage, a Healer brought over from another House, did not do very much, but it helped her move past it.

All Valaria could think was, was about how satisfying it felt to her, to reach out with her magic and kill one of her tormentors.

  
She was not punished, not for this. Which made her unsettled. She used magic that she had not been allowed to learn- why had she not been punished?  
She was still in the infirmary when she was told that her unit went on a contract.

  
"You seem to be handling things fine," Tybo says without any empathy. "Tomorrow you can leave- but I will be escorting you to see Guildmaster Shavros." **  
**

 

 

**4 Months Later** **  
** **9:24**

**15 years old**

 

The next few months pass in a blur for Valaria. 

She missed out on the second contract with Ursula, Viktor, and Deyros. Word had spread about her killing the Il Punitore and one of the Allentores.

The downside of that was that she spent two weeks in Solitaro- after Tybo cleared her for any possible signs of possession and she was feeling... relatively balanced. The punishment came when she had finally left the Healer's quarters. As if they waited specifically to do just that. Once they got  word she was fine.... the punishment was brought forth. 

Solitaro didn't really help her with that. 

To be denied everything but the basics didn't help her, not after she finally came down from the shock of killing two men... and feeling mostly satisfied by it all. 

So she came out of Solitaro just a little... off. 

Everyone ended up watching her warily after that. Everyone but Deyros, Viktor and Ursula. She was thankful for them- not treating her like she was one minute of away of burning everything to the ground. 

Everyone else did- they flinched when her fire danced, they walked around her with as much distance as possible. She found herself encouraging it, and her three snickered at some of the reactions. So that was the upside. 

After about a month of it, they were sent out on another contract. 

On the border of Nevarra. A couple people plotting against the Crown of Antiva. 

They had six targets. 

The two main ones proved the trickiest. One turned out to be a Antivan Templar. A surprise on it's own- well not for Valaria since the Crows can apparently buy them. 

Having her magic nullified the way the Templars do it was not.. a fun time. 

To have her magic dispelled and drained,  it wasn't disorientating like when Adanni smothered it, or when Solitato nullified it.

This hurt. 

She had felt like a piece of herself had been ripped off. scrubbed hard with bristly brushes and then slapped back on her.Her body had been tingling through pain as she curled up in a ball during the remaining fight. Everything felt on fire, and not the fire she was used to.

The whole contract was definitely not easy and there were close calls- Ursula sported a sling for a couple weeks after, Viktor had a limp for a week, Deyros got a broken nose and a sling, and Valaria's magic had fits for a few days. 

They had three more contracts in succession after that. More praise from the Guildmaster which made her feel wrong. 

But the dangers she and the others faced- it seemed to strengthen them, bring them together. Despite their conflicting views on everything- two loyalists, two rebels... they were a unit. Deyros continued to help her try to learn storm magic, and some healing- but the healing spells were strange to learn and didn't feel right when she tried them, so she stuck with one minor one. She could heal some of the aches and cuts when needed but nothing bigger than that. 

She turned fifteen and got a kiss for it. And then word that the Deyros’s uncle was finally making way with his Talon, and a promise that he’ll have official word soon. 

Then just days after their last contract, one that was surprisingly simple, everything came crashing down. 


	16. A Refusal To Bend...And The Consequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valaria refuses and this time, the consequences are far more harsh.

 

 

**2 Days Later**

**9:24**

**15 Years Old**

 

 

The Reaffirmation Ceremony- An Hour Before It Starts

Adanni never liked their Talon. She preferred the old one. Before he was killed by his replacement. 

Something she was never able to prove though. 

His temper was short, and while it most likely would bear fruit tonight, she found it distasteful. 

"So, the information you two have been sending me has been quite interesting."

"It's the truth, Talon," Tomas says easily from the couch. 

"Oh I believe you.. there's no reason for you two to lie anyway. I do hope for everyone's sake things go well tonight, and our two black marks finally see reason. After all they are doing so well... maybe a few kills  together will be just what they needed." Their Talon smiles and Adanni itches to freeze the man. 

But her training and loyalty override it. 

Tonight everything should fall into place. 

  
  
  
  
  


**2 Days Later**

**9:24**

**15 Years Old**

**The Reaffirmation Ceremony**

  
  


"Tell me child," The Talon's voice wraps around her, silky and smooth but she hears an edge to it. Deyros's refusal to bend has angered him but he wanted to continue to with her. Not surprising- twenty others did what they did before- they bent to their knee, kissed his ring, then the Guildmaster's, and professed loyalty to the Crows. 

Deyros marred the ceremony with his refusal, and now she would greatly anger him with her own refusal.

"I have heard many things about you Valaria D'Evaliste," he continues. "So many things, whispered and written. We shelter you, clothe you, feed you, teach you so many things and you recently had the opportunity to go out in the world and use your skills, quite marvelously in fact. So much praise for someone who is defiant, so insolent. It's like whiplash- the constant phrasing of "Her potential is growing, yet it still suffers under her defiance" is what I get. And then other things, things that shame and bring dishonor to your House, to your family."

_ You are not my family, none of these people are _ , she thinks furiously. Other than the three next to her, two of whom of course bended knee, kissed the ring and continue to claim loyalty. But she wonders what things have been said to him.    


"No response? Hmmm. Since you completed your first successful contract, you have also completed two others to immensely satisfactory results," the Talon continues on. He reaches out and runs a hand through her hair and she instantly jerks away from him. His eyes narrow.    
  


"Yet the things I hear- the latest in defiance. The passing of our Il Punitore, of one of our long standing Allentores, at your hand with magic you should not know." 

Oh no.    
  


_ No. _

  
"And...." he glances at Deyros, "another matter that is not encouraged."

_ No..no...no… _   
  


"All will be forgiven of course," the Talon turns back to her with a smile, "with just a few simple actions and words. You do what is required, and I will forgive your Guildmaster and every high rank here for not only your continued refusals, but also Deyros's continued refusal. Perhaps if he sees his fellow heart bend, he will reconsider as well." 

She feels the stare of everyone on her, and on Deyros. She doesn't dare look away from the Talon, whose dark eyes are cold, whose smile is cruel, whose offer is empty. 

“Tell me Valaria D’Evaliste, who are you loyal to?” He holds out his hand, the one with the ring, the Guildmaster by his side.    
  


All she has to do is bend her knee, kiss the ring, and the other, then profess loyalty.    
  


All she has to do is break. 

All she has to do is break and be theirs completely, wholly, like all the others. 

Never.    


“Most certainly not you,” she says loudly. “I never will be, and I will never bend for you.” 

Anger ripples through the room and she’s backhanded, hard. She falls to the floor.    


“I have had enough of your insolence you wretched witch,” words are snarled into her ear when a rough hand grabs her. She meets the eyes of the Talon, and she hears the sounds of suffles. She dares to look past to see her trio, Ursula, Viktor and Deyros being forcibly held back by Adanni, Tomas and the Guildmaster.   


Despite Ursula and Viktor bending, they attempted to interfere. Years of bonding, working together, and the tense hits they had to work together had clearly had an effect and she could see it here.    


But Deyros was more desperate out of the three, and she meets his gaze, silently pleading for him to stop- if only for right this moment. He seems to understand and stops struggling.    
  


The Talon uses his other hand to force her to look at him. 

“You killed against your house, you carried on a forbidden romance that is for children not for Crows, you continue to bring shame and dishonor on the very people who have given you a life and everything you never would have gotten in that squallor of an alienage or the chains of the Circle. You spit on everything and if you were not such a valuable resource you would have been killed years ago before it could have gotten this far. But no, the time for simple discipline is over. A pity that you cannot be tied to the post, perhaps some lashes will drive it home. But no, time to finally and truly suffer the consequences, my dear sweet fire mage. First you, then your trio.” He shoves her into the arms of two of the other older mages there- Tybo and Torval. 

“Take her to La Marca.” 

_ To mark, or to brand... _

What were they going to do?

“And as for them,” he points a finger to her trio, to Ursula, Viktor, and Deyros. “Take them to the Foyer. After we are done with her, the other half of the consequences shall be dealt out.”

Her mind spins with horrible scenarios, trying to figure out what exactly is going on. Tybo who is generally rough when handling her (No gentle touch for this healer) is actually carefully escorting her out of the main room. But instead of being lead down the stairs and outside, she is lead down the stairs, and then down a hall.     


At the end of the hall is a door with the symbol of The Crow, then the symbol of the House, then below a word emblazoned in Red and Gold on the black door:  **Ut Doceri.**   


_ To be taught.... _


	17. Ut Doceri

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valaria faces the first consequence of her Refusal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A teenager is branded.

**The Branding** ****  
****  


There is another mage in there- she has always wondered who the tenth was. There was Adanni, Tybo, Torva mostly.   
  
There were the other ones that taught the lessons. Her dorm-mates were not considered part of the ten mages the Houses were allotted. There was only room for one more adult mage for their House, and she was the one that was being considered for that spot, despite her rebellion she had been told countless times.  
  
The others, when it was time, were going to be transferred to other Houses.

This mage, makes her hair on her arms stand up, makes her feel tense. She is older, with white has and grey eyes, standing almost... regally before her.

“So, the fiery one has finally been brought to me,” grey eyes that hold no warmth assess her. “Strap her in the chair.”

Tybo pulls her towards a large chair. She tries to fight it, but her strength is weakened seconds later, and she feels magic pulse around her. By the time she is in the chair, the straps slide across her legs, her waist and her shoulders. Her left arm is pulled roughly out onto a cold stone counter right next to her.

Tybo pushes back her hair in another oddly gentle move. Tybo’s usually hard brown eyes hold what looks like concern. “Valaria, Valaria, I want you to concentrate on me, yes? What the Marca is going to do is not going to hurt, but you know something is coming so I need you to be calm. Just focus your heartbeat, steady yourself, and will your magical energies into me. You remember those lessons right?”

She nods, her heart racing, her body weak.

“The moment you entered, a weaken spell hit you, to make sure you cannot struggle. We learned that struggling makes the process even worse.”

“If this is punishment, then shouldn’t it be worse?” She asks, her voice barely above a whisper.

The older mages shakes her head. “This is just the beginning, my dear girl. Your punishment will come after this. This is just.. the opener.”

The opener.

The others…

Whatever they plan on doing to her first, is only the start.

Tybo moves as Valaria begins to hear the softly sung words of an enchantment. She looks to see the other mage, the Marca, use a cloth to wipe her forearm. not the inside, but the outside. The mage’s fingers trail over the skin and then settle- inches past her wrist and before her elbow. Right in the middle. Valaria feel a slight pain then, and Tybo grips her other hand. 

“I cannot smother your magic like Adanni can, but I ask you to transfer everything from yourself to me,” the healer says urgently. “Your strength is sapped but just will your magical energies to me, I can handle it.”

Valaria nods weakly, and does what she is told- her magic tugs at her  as if not liking it, not liking whatever is happening, but it goes.

“Keep that heart of yours steady,” Tybo says to her, as some pricks on her arm continue. “Keep calm, Valaria. This will be over in moments.”

“Well this will be,” the Marca says. “The aftermath of what comes with this.. that will not be over.”

There’s a slight pain again, and Valaria doesn’t dare look. It feels like needles pricking her skin.

“What should be my main worry?”

“Oh, I don’t think I should spill. You’ll find out soon enough. But to the present shall we? Once this is over and the numbness wears off, the skin will be red around the mark, and then Tybo of course will do what she is required, to further along the healing so you won’t be dealing with too much itching and tenderness.” 

The pricks continue as the Marca talks. Valarai gets the vague notion through her now sluggish mind of a circle being made.

She feels magic touch her arm again, the words of the spell being softly sung by the Marca. She feels something sort of click as if the spells just connected.

  
“Ahh, and we’re ready.” The Marca turns away and walks toward a table, lifting a silver looking rod out a square dish, colors swirling around on it, as it drips just a few times.

  
She comes over, and Valaria sees a bigger piece on the end, similar to the symbols she saw on the door just before. The symbol reminds her of some of those markings she’s seen on the animals owned by farmers- like that one village she came across when she first tried to runaway.

The cattle had markings on them like this.

The Marca- T _o mark, or brand,_ her mind repeats.  
  
She’s going to be.. **. branded.  
**   
She recalls the words on the door.

**Ut Doceri.**

_To be taught..._  


Valaria can barely comprehend everything swirling in her mind, but her thoughts are scattered when she she feels a cold press on her arm, and Tybo continues to murmurs words- confusing Valaria with her kindness when she’s so used to the healer’s rough ways. The cold is stinging, and then there is another enchantment being sung and she catches a flash of bright blue light.

The branding rod is lifted and she winces as the air hits her skin, feeling the tenderness despite the numbness. Her magic is trying to break out, to spread, but she does what Tybo asks, continuing to send the energy to her, while dealing with the weakness of the spell she got hit with still. The Marca sings another enchantment and she feels the magic swirl around her arm once more, and then that distinctive click rings in her mind.

It feels like whatever was done, it was locked into place.

“I hope we see each other again soon,” the Marca says to her. “You best hope for it at least, little fire mage- I am the only one that can remove that.”

Soon the straps seem to come undone, and her aching right arm is released. Tybo helps her out of the chair, keeping an arm around her, as she feels unsteady.

“Better take her to foyer, so the rest can happen,” the Marca dismisses them both.

When she’s out of the room, the door shut behind her, the spell to make her week leaves her and she looks down at what was done to the outside of her arm.

Just like with those animals she saw, her mind still trying to register everything that just happened. She now has something like **tha** ton her arm. A circle with another shape in there, colored black, with the symbol of a red Crow, and two white lines crossing over it.

“Tybo.”

“You are now Ut Doceri,” Tybo says quietly, next to her. “It means-”

“To be taught...”

Silence, just like in Solitario, sweeps through her. In her, around her. She keeps looking at the brand, a mixture of numbness and incredulity.

She's been marked. Like **property.**

"Yes. This shows that you are still a Crow, someone

considered with high potential and a resource they simply cannot waste- but that you refuse to break, bend, swear loyalty. Anyone of higher rank, from our House or other Houses, if they see that and are in a mood to teach, will be allowed to to teach you a lesson.”

A shiver runs down her spine, as anger starts to over-ride the numbness, but the next few words from Tybo stills it. 

“But- I would take the time to think about that later. The rest of your punishment is still waiting. To the foyer.”  
  
A deep wash of cold runs through her then.   
  
The Talon had focused on Deyros, Viktor and Ursula before she had been pulled away.

_What was going to happen to them?_


	18. Loss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valaria deals with the second part of the fallout of her Refusal. 
> 
> Loss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to skip, to summarize:
> 
> Viktor, Ursula and Deyros are killed for Valaria's defiance. 
> 
> Essentially three young teenagers are used as a 'lesson' in the most cruelest way possible.
> 
> Basically: Major character deaths, involving 3 teenagers.

 

The Foyer is the large room in the center of the estate, when you first enter. The rising staircases on both side gives it a circular look. In a circle are all the others who swore their loyalty. 

In the middle are Ursula, Viktor, Deyros, on their knees, hands tied behind their backs. Adanni, Tomas, and the Guildmaster behind each one. The Talon is standing in front, and he smiles when he sees her and Tybo. 

“Bring her,” he orders. 

Tybo brings her forward, and the Talon reaches out, grabbing her right arm, taking hold of the upper part and then straightens her arm, showing off the mark.

“It has been a few decades since we made a Ut Doceri, but it seems fitting here. Here before you, is the result of what continued insolence and rebellion will bring you. Spread this word, my Crows, so the other Houses will know. We mark those we deem valuable, and we will see them broken.” 

She winces as she’s shoved to her knees, just a mere foot from her trio. The Talon’s hand reaches under her hair and grasps her by the neck forcing her to sit up. 

“This mark will be removed when you finally learn, and can only be removed by the one that gave it to you. Assassins, Masters, Guildmasters, all those who are above you in rank will be able to have the honor to teach you, my little fire witch. And this.. this is your first true lesson as an Ut Doceri.” 

As he steps away her she looks over at Ursula and Viktor who look like they know what is happening but won’t fight it. Her gaze drifts to Deyros, who looks angry and for once, scared. His cockiness no longer there, as if he is now realizing- his relation to a Guildmaster is not getting him out of this. But once his gaze meets her, he stills. 

“Whatever happens,” he says softly, urgently, “whatever happens, don’t give them the satisfaction.” 

“Ohhh how sweet,” the Talon sneers then. “I hate to ruin this little moment of young love, but alas, I shall. Valaria D’Evaliste, for your continue stubbornness, your defiance, your refusal to bend, and for bringing continued shame and dishonor on your House and Family--”

“YOU ARE NOT MY FAMILY,” she snarls. “YOU NEVER WILL BE.” 

The Talon simply smiles at the interruption. “Oh you say that now, but I think that opinion will falter soon enough. But as I was saying, for your refusal to accept your station, those closest to you will suffer the consequences.” 

She flashes back to Adanni’s conversation with her so long ago.

_ “Yet you’re still alive.” _

_ “My partners paid the price.”  _

Then the Guildmaster after she ran away the first time. 

_ “As a mage you are more valuable to us than a good portion of recruits, apprentices and assassins. We will do what we must to do what is needed.” _

She breathes heavier, and the fire in her starts to flicker, to dance on her skin. It makes her brand ache, as the numbness has now waned. She wants to let loose with her fire, to burn everything, to stop it. To stop the horror she knows that will be coming to pass now. 

“Adanni.”

Second later, Adanni is next to her and once more her fire is smothered. 

She sees Tomas move over to behind  Ursula, The Guildmaster now moves behind Viktor, and now... the Talon is behind Deyros. 

“Tomas,” the Talon drawls. “If you will.”

Tomas steps forward, and pulls Ursula’s head back. 

“Valaria!” Deyros calls out. “Valaria, look at me!” 

Her gaze skitters to Deyros just as she hears it, a cry cut short, the familiar sound of a knife against skin, then a choked gasp.. the sound of the body thumping to the ground.

As used to death as she has become, this one brings sadness. 

Deyros smiles sadly, and she feels those tears she thought she cried up long ago, start to swell. 

“Don’t,” he urges. “Don’t.”

_ Don’t cry, don’t let them see, don’t let them break you. _

“Keep looking at me,” he urges as she hears the Talon tell the Guildmaster to go next. The same sounds repeat and she tries to will her tears back. 

Without saying anything, the Talon grabs hold of Deyros’s messy hair and jerks his head back enough to expose his throat. 

The knife just rests against his skin.

As if taunting her. Teasing her. Wanting to see if she’ll cry out, beg for them to stop. To use their feelings against each other.

Deyros’s eyes meet hers once more, and the anger that burns in them, she knows it’s not towards her. She knows it. But she feels it herself. 

Unlike the others, she keeps hers gaze connected with his, doesn’t glance down at that knife resting on his throat.

_ Don’t break, _ he mouths.

Her heart does though, seconds later. 

The tears do not fall, but her heart breaks. 


	19. A Year Of Being Ut Doceri

**9:26**

**A Year Later**

**16 years old**

 

 

 

A year of being Ut Doceri… 

After the branding, after the deaths, she mourned for as long as she could. As long as she dared to. She cried in private, away from those who could see, into her pillow and blanket. 

She lost three people that became so much to her, Deyros especially, because she rebelled. She dared to hope and want. 

She mourned the loss of Ursula's snappy 'witch; Viktor's groans from Deyros's jokes, and most of all- Deyros. She was left alone for two weeks. Left alone, but watched ever so carefully. 

To see if this lesson had broken her. 

Once that thought pierced through her mourning, her grief, her broken heart, she reacted.

The mage dormitory where she resided... she let her fire out in one burst, let her rage and sorrow build until it just exploded. 

She burned it to the ground. 

They got the message.

She was **not broken.**

She spent a few days in Solitario for that. 

It  was worth it. 

Even with the darkness clawing at her, the dead feeling of having her magic nullified…

It was worth it. 

As the weeks passed by she felt... lighter? 

It was as if something had been lifted off her shoulders.

The mark gave people the perception that she just needed a specific lesson to be beaten into her, and then that would make her break. As if it would be enough. 

She quickly got some of those 'lessons'. Visiting members of other Houses, they saw the mark and they proceed to take advantage of it. They saw the mark on her arm, visible for everyone to see, as she was not allowed to cover it, as a challenge. 

They saw her as a challenge. Apparently most Ut Doceri don't last beyond a year. She was determined to show them she would hold out until her death if need be. 

The only one that left an impression was the one that came from Deyros's uncle. As she suspected, the Crows had twisted the truth, using their own ways to deceptively spin the tale with things, using truth and misdirections.

The Guildmaster of House Lanos didn't lay a finger on her. No he released his anger in a different way-

Verbally.

She stood there for an hour as the man vented his grief to her. She did her best to simply try to tune his words out, but each word was like a lash of it's very own. 

The only thing that stopped her from begging him to stop was Deyros's words.

_ Don't break. Don't let them see you break.  _

She focused her rebelling on something else. She hears whispers about her being crazy and unstable. 

So she... let them think it. Random fireballs here and there, flashes of fire, the occasional strike of lightning.  Like in the past. It was always something to have a little fun with. But now it was…

It really was the main highlight of her days and nights. She reveled in their reactions. She no longer had any reason to truly hold back around them. She upped it from just the occasional thing to keep nosy people at bay or to stop the stares, to pretty much doing it often as possible. 

She also found it highly satisfying in frustrating her tormentors when it was clear their 'lessons' were not 'sinking' in. 

She would mouth off to the Allentores, the Masters, the Assassin ranks, the visiting Guildmasters. She no longer held back her thoughts, letting everyting spill out of her head, without a filter to hold it back. It was oh so satisfying seeing their faces mottle with red rage. 

She knew, deep down, they were probably taking it out on the others. But she refused to let herself care. No one here cared about her, so why should she care in return? 

Until..

Until she saw the La Frusta and the Il Punitore together- with a six year old recruit. She recognized this one. Only been there a month. 

Then she saw the whip. 

The boy's eyes. Wide and fearful. 

Something in her stirred.

She marched over, and just as the La Frusta was rearing back with his whip, she caught part of it and then let her fire move from her fingers over the whole thing, burning it up in seconds, causing the La Frusta to yelp in pain.

She grabbed him by his tunic.    
  


"I know the code this House has," she snarls. "Those who are non mages, are not to be whipped by the La Frusta until they are of age ten. Does he look age ten to you?" She casts a fireball at the Il Punitore who attempts to shake her off and he ducks. 

"If you want to play with fire, La Frusta," she snarls, feeling something shift in her, her eyes landing briefly on the child who gives her a small smile. She turns back to the man who is currently in her hot grasps, the edges of his tunic smoking. "Then do it with me." 

They had incidents between each  other five more times after that. Each time with the new Il Punitore and the La Frusta. 

It didn’t get the guildmaster’s attention until she killed the La Frusta for whipping a five year old boy.   
  
They tried to do it in a way that no would know.   
  
At night. After curfew. 

What they didn't realize was that her actions of defending the youngest recruits was gaining her a few little fans. 

One of them braved running about after curfew to come find her and tell her. 

One bright flash of lightning got the attention of Guildmaster Shavros, Adanni, and Tomas.

One dead La Frusta, one furious fire mage (aka: Her) holding a burning whip handle over a smoking dead La Frusta,  a crying kid who was bleeding from several lashes.

The Il Punitore turned to the Guildmaster, and confessed what they were doing as if it would save him.

It did not. 

Because if there was one thing that Valaria had learned, is that despite the cruelty and torment they inflicted on so many in order to make them loyal Crows to the cause, there were rules, and codes that had to be followed. 

She was asked a few questions and if there was one good thing that came from her rebellion- they knew she didn't lie. She never lied. 

She didn't see the need to. 

Rules and codes were broken.

The Guildmaster had turned as red as the Talon did the night he ordered her branding and killed the man himself. 

At the end of the year, she was sent out on a contract with a few others, Adanni was among them.  She sensed it was a test. To see how she would do, how she would work the others.    
  
It wasn’t the same.   
  
But they completed the contract and came back. 

Despite her status as Ut Doceri, and not technically being a proper Crow, she was still a weapon they needed to be used. 

  
Besides, she couldn’t run. 

 


	20. Twenty Reminders

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> References to a teenager being lashed.

**9:27**

**A Year later**

**Age 17**   
  


 

Valaria winces as Tybo places the ointments on her back. 

Everything just hurts.

"You foolish, reckless, child!" Adanni throws at her as she paces in the Healer's infirmary. 

"You risked everyone with that stunt!" 

"I didn't get possessed." Valaria shrugs, immediately regretting the movement  Seriously, wasn’t that why there were Templars there? Why Adanni was forced to be Valaria’s focus, and to keep her fire smothered? Isn’t that why the Talon conceded to the visiting Talon’s request to see her lashed for her continued shame and dishonor that she brought to the Crows AND Antiva (Antiva can hang itself as well if the Crown knows what the Crows do to make their perfect little cult) with her refusal to swear loyalty?    
  
That she continues to spit in their face by not breaking?   
  
Well also because she literally spat on him after he smacked her hard enough to draw blood.    
  
The Talon of House Arainai did not take well to his very nice white clothing being spit on with blood mixed in it. 

Or having his coat set on fire. 

"Because I was there!"

True... having someone to focus on and keep her centered help, as much as she despises and resents Adanni. 

She did feel the ripples of the Fade during some moments, a whisper that tried to reach her, but it didn't take. 

Valaria hisses as the cloth runs over her sore, aching, and slashed back. "Damn it Tybo, how in the Void did you become a healer with that touch? Is there not a saying about soft hands and healers?"

“Insolent brat,” Tybo mutters. “My touch is just fine.”   
  
Adanni snorts. “She has a point Tybo. Why you are gifted with the healing arts with that beside manner of yours, old woman.”   
  
She never thought she’d be in agreement with Adanni on anything. She hisses one more time as the pain ripples through her back and she shoves her face into the pillow as Tybo continues to work on her. 

Now that everything was done and over with, now that Adanni was no longer helping her focus, now that she was having her backed tended to, she was finally feeling every ounce of those twenty lashes. 

The first few had her crying out and then she she gritted her teeth and suffered through it. 

Twenty. 

Now she's here on her stomach, having Tybo heal her back. But only just enough. Because the D’Evaliste and the Arainai Talons ordered that her slashes would not be magically healed, and that she would have a permanent reminder forever to mar her body. It didn’t matter that she couldn’t see it, they said, the point was that she would know they were there. 

"You're going to have twenty visible scars on your back for the rest of your life," Adanni fumes. "If you ever get put into a position of seducing a mark, you'll have to make sure they only see your front." 

"What boy, what man, mark or not, would want to take a risk bedding her?" Tybo asks dryly. 

  
Valaria snorts into the pillow. Yes, who would want to bed crazy like her? 

 

 

*****************

 

  
  
Two months later, Tybo officially declared her back healed- two months of having ointments and oils and creams on her back, to heal the process, since magic was not allowed. The ointments, oils , and creams were necessary as she found out- scar tissue as Tybo explained, tightens and then cause aches and can affect how one moves and twists. The ointments, the oils, and the creams were there to prevent that. 

Once she was declared healed, Tybo arranged for a set of mirrors, for her to see the end results of her punishment. 

Twenty thin scars, about an a couple inches wide, and about seven inches long- all over her back. A couple criss crossed over each other, a few in straight lines, some at angles. To her they looked….almost smooth to her eyes, but they stood out against her pale skin and freckles. 

Twenty reminders of how she continued to defy, deny, rebel, refuse. 


	21. A Small Spot Of Comfort And Brightness

**Three Months Later**

**City of Brynnlaw**

**An inn**

 

Valaria watched from the balcony of the joined suite as others below milled about, not aware of how a group of assassins were planning and plotting on taking out their corrupt council leaders. 

The Council of Brynnlaw was lead by seven men who governed the city. Seven very corrupt men who made the mistake of pissing off an Orlesian noblewoman and her husband during their stay in Brynnlaw. Their anger lead them to offering a large amount of coin to the Crows. (Coin that Valaria would never see- she never saw any of the coin the contracts offered. Because only 'good Crows' got rewarded for their duty.)

She was still being used for contracts- group assassinations. Despite her status, despite her attitude problems and willfulness, the Guildmaster and the Talon said she was quite good at what she did and was useful.

Again she hated the praise- but thanks to how the Crows warped her thinking and how she viewed things… you can fight against anything and everything, but some things just get bent a little sideways. 

Such as how she compartmentalized things. How she separated her life into two categories:   
  
Work. House. 

On the grounds of the main estate, among her House, she did what she did to prove she would never break, never bend, never become quite truly theirs. She protected the younger children as best as she could- before they eventually broke and bent to the Crows brainwashing and brutality. She also made things difficult for everyone as possible, angering everyone and also enduring her ‘lessons’ that the higher ranks imparted.    
  
At first she worried that they’d kill the little ones to punish her. But one of them assured her of a conversation they overheard that they would not. 

They see her protecting the little ones as nothing more than more examples of her shameful and disrespectful attitude, as a way to continue to bring dishonor on their House. They don’t think she honestly cares for them- not in the way she came to care for Deyros, Ursula, and Viktor. Killing the little ones, as little Cassio told her, would not have an impact on her. 

To keep them from finding out that killing the little ones would indeed impact her, she kept her distance from them. She refused to entertain offers of friendship from them, rebuffed them at every opportunity she could, only interfering to protect them from the worst if she could. She knew wasn’t able to stop it all from being laid down on them, but she did try. But her methods worked- They didn’t see her honestly caring about them, so therefore they didn’t try to use the little ones against her. 

As for the older ones, and the others who achieve rank- they still get punished, even though they’ve been broken and bent, brainwashed and loyal. They seem to think that, combined with the ‘lessons’ she gets with her status, will eventually do the job. She doesn’t care enough about them for it to matter. They also firmly think she’s on the verge of going insane most of them time, not helped by her randomly flinging fireballs and all manners of other fire spells that came with being a natural gifted pyromancer. 

Then her life in regards to the work she did for the Crows. Going out on contracts, being able to leave and like now, watch people live their lives without abuse and punishment hanging over their heads. 

Here she had to work hard to make herself care. At least about those she worked with on these contracts. The marks she generally helped kill or assisted in killing? Nine times out of ten they were pieces of merde, not worthy of caring or worrying about. She realized the Crows had basically won in that regard- her exposure to death, at least towards those she was contracted out on, had made her indifferent.

She tried to make herself care about that when she realized, but her warped thinking was set. Marks were marks. Another thing she couldn’t control or prevent, so she focused on controlling and preventing something else. 

Making sure none of those she worked with died. So therefore, making sure every contract was a success. If her so called fellow ‘family’ of assassins were going to die, they were not going to die on a job she was part of. In order for her to make herself willing to ensure that, she kept Deyros, Ursula and Viktor in her thoughts, in her heart,  as she did the contracts. 

She kept the nameless former partners of Adanni’s that were killed when she failed her first contract in her mind as she risked her own hide to help another who despised her as equally as she despise them. 

She kept the children, those under the age of ten that were brought her constantly and needed someone in their corner, in her mind, as she gritted her teeth, and bore it the only way she knew how- making sure they lived through sheer and utter Creator and Maker damned spite and stubborness. 

As much as she hated the Crows, hated her Housemates, hated Adanni, Tomas, Guildmaster Shavros, the Talon,  she did what she had to, in order for what remained of her conscience to remain intact. Because for as long as she was leashed to the people that bought her, if she could at least prevent a death being done because of her part in a contract did not go well, then she would do that. 

So she was fueled by spite, will, and trying to salvage parts of her conscience and soul.

She snorted out loud at her thoughts.

_ Excellent combination.  _

  
  


 

**Two Days Later**

**City of Brynnlaw**

  
  


 

_ "What boy, what man, mark or not, would want to take a risk bedding her?" Tybo asks dryly.  _

_   
_ _ Valaria snorts into the pillow. Yes, who would want to bed crazy like her?  _

Valaria laid in bed, those words echoing as she finally came around. 

Well, she got her answer. 

It wasn’t half bad either. 

He wasn’t a mark. He was just a man that she met while observing a mark. He had a nice smile, and the most horrible lines one could think of, but he was not a Crow, he was not a Mark… 

He was an artist- he liked to paint. To create.    
  
To create. That got her attention. For someone like her, to only be someone who could take life, to bring fire onto others, whose own gift destroys things… 

She left with him. Her observation partner seemd quite startled when Valaria told her she was leaving, and she knew later on it would cause gossip. 

But the moment she saw his paintings, she didn’t care.

He had a talent that didn’t _hurt,_ didn’t _destroy_. It _created._

It fuelled something inside her she didn’t expect. And now here she is in the morning, waking up to the knowledge she just had sex.

And it was kinda _nice._

_ Sweet. _

Comfort and brightness, in the middle of the darkness and pain.   
  
She smiles into the pillow. 

 

 

**************

 

  
  
What wasn’t nice was reality crashing down. 

Her creative painter’s reaction to her scars, which he had seen when she got up and was looking for her clothes, reminding her harshly of who she was.  
  
Valaria D’Evaliste, elven fire mage, sold to the Crows, Ut Doceri, killer. 

His shock and horror at seeing her back, well that brought it all to the front. 

It also reminded her she needed to get the hell out, and back to the inn so she could help the others plot out killing the Council. Before people started looking for her- that invisible leash trying to choke everything out of her. 


	22. The Fifth Blight

**9:29**

**A Year Later**

**Age 18**

**Treviso, Antiva**

  
  


In between contracts, the lessons of being an Ut Doceri, and life in general not really changing for her, Valaria realized something of herself as she waited for Adanni and the others to finish up in the estate manor belonging to their latest targets. One of the merchant princes trying to usurp his brother and take control. 

Well in all honestly she realized it this morning.    
  
When she woke up in the bed of the bard, Francisco, she met in the tavern last night. 

His music drew her, and then he played some more of it when he brought her over. 

Since that artist in Brynnlaw, she had slept with fifteen men. Francisco was the latest. 

All of them creative, all of them artists in some way, people who use their talents to create and inspire and brighten people’s lives.  A couple of them were fighters too- one was actually a Grey Warden surprisingly enough, quite a bit older than her, and a bit somber, but his voice was made for storytelling and he had stories to tell.

Moments of brightness, moments of comfort, with men that appealed to the opposite of her. She had a talent for death, for fire and for destruction, their talents created, help, inspired. 

She would hoard these moments of brightness, the goodness, the comfort, the light. Send them to the corners of her mind where her time with Deyros stayed. 

 

  
**Grounds of House D’Evaliste**

**Tybo’s Quarters**

 

 

Valaria clenches her jaw as her leg is cleaned. 

Another future permanent reminder from a lesson imparted by a visiting Master Assassin. 

“Well, it’s only going to be a few inches long, and it will not hamper anything. Looks like about three weeks of ointments, oils, and creams when i finish, to ensure the scarring doesn’t tug or hamper.” Tybo sighs. “Your mouth, you wretched one. One of these days they may just have your tongue ripped out.” 

Valaria smiles as brightly as she can. “Well then I’ll just have to learn how to piss everyone off in a whole new different way, won’t that be a new form of entertainment for everyone?”   
  
Adanni and Tybo both stare at her. 

She could practically hear the unspoken words  _ What in the void is wrong with her?  _ __   
  
**Plenty.**

  
  
  


**Two Years Later**

**The Fifth Blight**

**Age 20**

 

She frowns at the Guildmaster.

“Wait. We’re going to a country that’s dealing with a freaking fucking Blight?” She asks incredulously. “All because of this Zevran? Are you kidding me?”   
  
If they had finally given up, conceded and decided to kill her off, (despite her value as a mage) couldn’t they have found a way to do it better than sending her and a bunch of others to a country currently going to chaos?    
  
Honestly. 

Guildmaster Shavros just fumes at her, while the unnamed Crow leaning against the wall looks amused.    
  
“Your language is unbecoming of a Crow,” the Guildmaster snarls.

“Fuck off,” she shoots back and gets backhanded for it. 

Nothing new there.  
  
Ut Doceri for just about five years now? Never ending repeat of ‘lessons’. To be taught indeed.

All their teaching her is that they really have no idea what to do with her, except constantly make her busy with contracts so she’ll stop causing trouble here. But oh she’s learning plenty.    
  
Her language and her attitude ramped up in the past couple years, as a way to try and balance everything else out. As a way to help keep her grounded, to not go nuts like how everyone truly thinks she has.

“It seems you have quite the troublemaker here, Guildmaster,” the unnamed Crow speaks up then. “But then, Ut Doceri.”    
  
“Yes,” Shavros says as Valaria picks herself back up. He points to her. “You, Adanni and a few others of my choice will be joining forces with House Arainai to help clean up their own embarrassing scandal.” 

“Our House would like Zevran to return to us alive, so that he can be reintegrated,” The unnamed Crow says quietly. “And a chance to finish off our contract.”   
  
The Guildmaster snorts. “A contract on the Wardens. Ridiculous. Your House never should have agreed to take it.”    
  
Her eyes widen at this revelation. For all the people the Crows have been willing to kill, they have always drawn the line on two types:   
  
Chantry and Wardens. Well, in regards to the Chantry, they were willing to take contracts on the male members, as they barely had rank or position, or were close to the Maker the humans worshiped. But they never took contracts on any sister, revered mother, cleric, Grand Cleric, or the Divine. 

In fact, she was told that when someone did offer a contract to kill the Divine two ages ago, the offended Talon in charge killed the man on site, and then sent Crows to protect the Divine. 

“But it was agreed to, and Zevran was the one that took it. He failed, and has been shown working for the Wardens themselves. I can only assume my comrade in arms is doing so under duress, being used for information.”   
  
“Or he doesn’t want to die because he failed to kill someone that he never should have accepted a contract on,” Valaria interrupts. 

“She has yet to learn to curb her tongue,” the Guildmaster says to the unnamed Crow as if apologizing. She rolls her eyes. 

“So who are you?” She asks him.

The unnamed Crow smiles. “I am Master Assassin Taliesen Araianai, House Arainai.” 


	23. Valaria, Ferelden, The Fifth Blight

 

**The Fifth Blight**

**Ferelden**

**Age 20**

 

 

Ferelden. 

Interesting country. 

She kind of liked it.    
  
Well other than the whole possibly be consumed by the Blight soon, a civil war that’s being waged by the guy who apparently killed the current king (Which… since there’s supposed to be a Blight, isn’t that just kind of stupid?) and…

Pretty much being called a knife ear every ten minutes when they arrived in Denerim. 

It seemed to be the customary greeting when they saw an elf.

It actually got to Adanni, which truthfully pleased Valaria and actually put her in a good mood about the whole insult.  ****  
  


The moment Valaria arrived in Ferelden, she kind of liked it. Especially the mabari. They met a wandering merchant and he had a mabari with him. 

They had to go to Denerim, but took a route that would get them there in a way that would help set things up. This Taliesen had received word that that the Wardens and one of the nobles were on their way to Denerim. By the time these Wardens and their party, with their wayward Crow, arrived, a trap would already be waiting. 

 

 

****************

 

Adanni’s suggestion to use the alienage as way to hide their presence as the cut through Denerim (as a group of four elves with weapons were not exactly stealthy and all) got met with a problem.  
  
Tevinter magister problems.  
  
Also an apparent plague.   
  
A plague.  
  
Which is why the Tevinter Magisters were here.    
  
Because of a plague. 

And Tevinter Magister were caring and selfless indeed.

“I smell a load of mabari shit,” Valaria says bluntly as they go past a shouting elf near the infirmary where the Magisters setting up.

“That’s a constant smell here in Ferelden,” Pallas says, his eyes darting nervously around.

“Let’s recap shall we?” Valaria holds up a hand. “One, a Blight is on the move.” One finger goes down. “Two, a civil war because apparently a Blight isn’t enough. Three, a plague in this alienage. Four, there are Tevinter Magisters here helping to cure the plague out of the goodness of their hearts. Brought in by this Loghain person, who made sure that the King is dead, most of the Wardens are dead, and has caused this civil war.” 

She lets those words sink in for a minute. “Like I said, I smell a load of mabari shit.”   
  
“It’s not our concern,” Adanni hisses. “Our concern is dealing with a wayward Crow who apparently has forgotten their loyalties.”   
  
“Good for him.” 

Adanni glowers at her. “I will be taking you to task when this is done.”   
  
“Why not now?”   
  
“Stop goading her,” Pallas snaps.

Valaria sighs, rocking back on her heels, as she shoves her unruly hair back. “And what? Ruin my fun?”    
  
“You have an odd definition of fun.”    
  
She lets her hand light up with fire in response, causing Pallas to flinch and she just grins.

 

*****************

  
  
Well they got held up by some Tevinter Magisters when they left the Alienage from the back entrance to go meet up with Taliesen. 

It got messy. It got fun. 

Ferelden was certainly not lacking in either department right now. Everything about this country seemed messy. 

She _liked_ it.

Sadly however, when they caught up Taliesen, apparently Ferelden did not like Taliesen.    
  
“That man is dead,” she says, as she spins around, seeing more bodies. “All of them are dead. One, two.. Three… four…four Crows dead, five, six, seven Crows dead…”    
  
“Nine.”  Adanni snarls. “And they would be alive if we hadn’t had those damn Magisters to contend with on our way here.”    
  
“Well, that’s a shame,” Valaria draws, not  really caring and they all know it. The trip here, Taliesen lost whatever humor he had for, slammed her against the wall of the ship and told her that if it wasn’t for the fact that she was a mage, he would have killed her by now, so she’s not  really upset over his death.

Or the others.

Dead Crows… she thinks she likes this Zevran.    
  
“Well I think we got our answer on whether or not this Zevran wants to return to the nest.” 

Adanni doesn’t looked pleased with any of this.

Valaria?   
  
She’s downright happy.

“We need to finish this contract- collect Zevran and kill the Wardens,” Adanni breaks into her happy musings. “Or we go back with our tail between our legs and people get killed for our failure.”    
  
Oh. 

Well shit. 

She was enjoying Ferelden until just now. 

 


	24. The Battle Of Denerim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valaria has a debt to repay to a certain Warden and a former Crow.

 

**The Battle Of Denerim**

 

 

Pallas was keeping up the barrier for as long as he could as the Darkspawn raged around the market and homes of Denerim. 

So far they hadn’t gotten the notice of the Darkspawn, but that really was a small  comfort. 

Ferelden was no longer on her list of things to like. 

It  was a short list really. 

The Blight had come, and she was bloody well stuck here, and most likely was going to die with the very people she hates, because the Crows wanted this Zevran handled and a contract finished.

Adanni didn’t help matters by not agreeing with her “Let’s tell them the Blight killed them” idea. A lie yes, but one she would not have to tell, only Adanni. 

It’s not exactly like they could confirm that they lied. Most likely, everyone here was going to die no matter what they do. Wardens fight the Blight, they still die. Zevran Arainai was just a Crow, not a Warden, and was fighting the Blight. He was going to die.

But nooooooo. No one wanted to listen to her.

  
If she died, and they lived, she was going to find a way to come back and make their lives even more of a living void.

  
  


***********

  
  
“Get out! Get out while you can and go!”    
  
The building they were hiding in had been crashed into by an ogre. Huge Maker damn thing that barely reacted to her fireball.  

She couldn’t make out the people who were fighting the Orgre and the other Darkspawn, but one of them had to be a mage, because the fire around them cooled down. Hands grabbed her by the arm- she winced, and she was pulled free of the wreckage. Her vision was hazy as she leaned against a wall, trying to shake the haziness as the others were pulled free. 

Words were yelled out in a confusing mess of things, but she was able to make out two clear things:   
  
“Zevran, was that one of the generals Riordan told us about?”   
  
“Yes, Kaden, both are dead now. Time to get to the Archdemon and end this depressing disaster, shall we?"

By the time she, Adanni, Pallas and the other mage she never bothered to remember the name of got out of Denerim, Valaria realized who exactly saved her and the others.

  
But first--   
  
“Did you hear anything that those who helped us said?” She asks the three with her. 

Three heads shake.

  
So it was only her. 

“Looks like we’ll have to go with your idea,” Adanni coughs. “As much as I hate to say it.”   
  
“Then it’s agreed. The Blight killed them.” She twitches at the thought of lying, but she will not be saying the words to the Guildmaster.

Adanni sighs. “The Blight killed them. Lets hope they’ll be happy with that answer.”

Meanwhile, she has to figure out how to repay a debt. Or did she just do that?

  
  


 

 

  
**Antiva**

**9:31**   
  


 

Their story was believed.

For a short time. 

Then…

The Crows got approached by several banns of Amaranthine.   
  
Who wanted the death of the most certainly alive, and now Warden Commander, Kaden Cousland. The other Warden, was now King of Ferelden. 

Who had given Amaranthine to Cousland to help rebuild the Order there.   
  
Once more ripples were caused by House Arainai accepting the contract. Interestingly enough, no one in House D’Evaliste suffered the consequences of the failed original contract.

Because it was not theirs. And the mages they sent (Her, Adanni, Pallas), were on loan. 

So no one died for their failure to help Taliesen, nor for their assumed belief of the targets dying in the Blight. 

No punishments handed out, no lessons for her. It  was an odd feeling. As if House D’Evaliste wanted to forget their part in the embarrassment.

Especially since Arainai was the only suffering from it right now- as this Zevran had found a way to publicly renounce his ties to the Crows, and then killed many of them following such an announcement. For the moment his ire was only on House Arainai. Although it got worse against the House after their attempts to kill Warden Commander Kaden Cousland failed spectacularly.  

Digging for information revealed why: They were lovers. 

To Valaria, that pretty much explained everything. And she found herself envious of Zevran Arainai. To be able to leave, and to strike back against them.

She was quite envious. 

  
  



	25. A Dangerous Plot Leads To Disastrous Results

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Crows make a mistake.
> 
> They let Zevran speak to Valaria.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My warden, Kaden Cousland and his LI, Zevran Arainia show up. 
> 
> Character deaths in the form of other Crows show up.

**9:32**

**A Border town- on the border of the Tevinter Imperium and Antiva**

**A Year And A Half Later- Some time after The Burning of Amaranthine**

**22 Years Old**

  
  
  


Her admiration and respect for Zevran Arainai cooled and went down in the gutter the moment word spread throughout the Houses, that the attacks he and the Warden Commander were now doing together, were also killing the children recruits.

She burned with anger at that knowledge. The very two people she was in debt to, that she tried to repay that debt by letting it be assumed they died in the Blight (She never uttered the actual words- Adanni did) were child killers. 

The Crows killed children- they did it all the time, and as much as she tried to fight it, she couldn’t always stop it. She wasn’t always there to do so. 

But these two? A Warden and a former Crow who had a vendetta against the people she despised? A Warden whose family had been butchered during the civil war? A Warden who had been whispered to be behind the death of an Arl’s son, a young boy who was a mage- they had no conscience it seemed, no moral compass or guide or anything if they so willingly butchered the children who had not yet broken and learned the skills the Crows enforced onto them. 

They were supposed to have some sort of honor- or did the Blight take it from them? Did Zevran not care who died under his blade? No respect for children who had no choice?    
  
She actually volunteered to join this contract. A personal contract made, made by the organization itself. The others wanted him dead out of anger of his betrayal to the Crows.

She wanted them dead because they killed the children she tried hard to protect. 

The last attack- a stronghold of D’Evaliste where some of the children under ten had been sent to. Children she had watched from her distance, children she had taken beatings for- all twelve of them at the stronghold were killed. 

It was enough to make her volunteer. 

Now here she was, one the edges of the Tevinter Imperium/Antiva border. A stray thought of escaping into the Imperium came about- thoughts like that always did. Whether it was when they were on the border to another country, or when she woke in the bed of a man she had been with- stray thoughts of staying and not returning… quickly shattered with the mental reminder that they had her phylactery. 

As she stared out into the darkness beyond the inn, one hand gripping her staff as the dagger like blade she added to the bottom scraped against the stone, she let her fire travel through her, and then flames reached out through her fingers, once more dancing. 

She hoped she could make the two of them scream with pain as she burned them both. 

“Valaria?” Adanni’s voice calls out, dispelling her thoughts. “We’re getting ready. Our informant just spotted the betrayer and his husband,” she sneered the word- oh there was amusement amongst the Crows when they found out that the two had married, “have arrived.” 

Time to prepare. 

 

 

******************

 

 

It was simple.    
  
The two men had pulled their horses into the barn, clearly getting ready to rest for the night. The inn was the only place they would be able to find room.    
  
It was the only place for a long stretch of raid to where one can sleep on a bed. 

There were ten of them. Adanni, Tomas, Pallas, and her, then the main group of assassins. Four mages, six assassins. Easily enough to kill two people. 

Even if they are veterans of the Blight. 

The assassins were going to block any escape avenue for the Cousland and Arainai, and the four of them were supposed to make sure to drive them into the kill zone. 

And then…

Well… 

 

 

*****************

 

  
  
“Move now” Adanni ordered as they heard the sounds of fighting and running. 

  
It was a bit chaotic- and of course it was risky doing it outside at night, but it was the only solution they could come up with that didn’t require close quarter combat that would end up causing friendly fire.. Or in Valaria’s case, not so friendly fire.

They rounded the corner of the building, and all four instantly cast out their magic, and Valaria casts ring of fire, trapping them all in one large ring. 

Nowhere to go for any of them.

Two pairs of eyes narrow on here, as everyone seems to take a moment to evaluate everything. She sees two bodies down past the fire. Cousland and Arainai got two down before they were able to come. So eight of them all together now. 

Grey blue eyes and a pair of amber eyes meet hers. She quickly takes stock in both of them- tall, short, human, elf… both look dangerous, but that’s expected. Daggers, Crow daggers in Arainai’s hands, a dagger and a long glowing blue sword in the other. 

“I recognize you,” Arainai speaks in a cheerful tone. “That red hair, those eyes-- definitely memorable. Denerim yes?”   
  
“Zevran,” Cousland growls.   
  
“Oh just reminiscing, mi Amor. We saved this young lady, remember? And her and that one too. Actually all four of these mages.” Arainai smiles as if they aren’t in the middle of an attempt to kill him. “Ogres and Darkspawn.”    
  
She grips her staff tighter, wondering which spell in her arsenal would bring about the most pain.    
  
“Poor way to return a life debt,” Arainai continues. “I feel positively horrified at the lack of courtesy on display.”   
  
“You should have thought about that life debt the moment you and your husband butchered children,” she snarls. 

Arainai’s smile disappears, and Cousland..Cousland’s eyes get dark. The glow of the sword gets brighter. 

“I beg your pardon? That is quite the accusation.”    
  
“D”Evaliste stronghold. Three months  ago. In Treviso.” She bites out each word. “Twelve children, ranging from the ages of four to eight, dead.”    
  
Cousland’s eyes narrow. “I don’t kill children. We don’t kill them.” His words are hoarse, rough...emotion filled.    
  
“Oh I beg to differ,” Adanni speaks up then, sounding amused. “Connor Guerrin ring a bell?” 

Something ripples through the air just then. Not her magic. But something else…    
  
Arainai puts a hand on Cousland, whose gone white. 

That’s...not the reaction she _expected._

Child killers.. Like the Crows, don’t...they don’t _react_ like that. She’s seen how they act. Indifference, a shrug, as if it’s any other person they kill. 

They don’t act like some just ripped open a wound. 

The heat of the ring of fire, grows. 

No one makes a move. As if everyone is suddenly aware...that something might happen that may not be good. 

“Well, thank you for that awful reminder of a past decision that was not easy to make,” Zevran’s amber eyes narrow on Adanni. “Apprentice to the Guildmaster, Adanni, House D’Evaliste, I thought I recognized you. And not just from Denerim either.  Apparently I *had* missed you, as you and this gentlemen here,” he nods to Tomas, whose only a few feet away, “were running away from the basement of horrors at that Stronghold.”    
  
Valaria straightens. 

_ Wait. _

She recalls a grazing cut on Adanni’s cheek when she stopped by one night- she was in Tybo’s infirmary, getting some healing potions for the contract she was getting ready to go out on. 

Tomas followed in moments later, a cut on his arm. Missing his daggers. Daggers that he had prized and once went back into a *burning blaze* to get back. They were specially made, a gift from a grateful noble. 

She had asked him what happened regarding his daggers.

_ "Dropped them, don’t worry I’ll go back to get them, we were leaving in a hurry.” _

He only came back with one. 

Two days later, word reached House D’Evaliste of the attack on the  stronghold. Tomas and Adanni had said they left hours before it had apparently started. 

“Ahhhhhh,” she hears Arainai drawl, but his words are strangely gentle, soft.  “Well well, I think someone is putting together a few things. Yes, I was quite shocked to find twelve dead children, one imbedded with a blade, just like this one,” Said blade is lifted up and tossed to Tomas who automatically catches it.

_ The identical blade, the only one he didn’t get back….  _

“Well, there goes that,” she hears Adanni say disgusted and it confirms everything that her mind is now clicking together.

“I had to say I was hoping to see her burn the two of you alive,” Tomas says with a sigh. “An idea finally hit upon after ignoring it for so long... “   
  
Amber eyes meet hers once more, and she grips the shaft of her staff. 

She turns slowly, fuming as she berates herself for not seeing it sooner. She meets Adanni’s cold blue eyes. 

Adanni’s smile matches the coldness in her blue eyes. “Took you long enough my dear girl. For someone so intelligent, you really are slow on putting pieces together sometimes.”   
  
Valaria strikes, fury fully in place. 

The dagger edged of her staff goes up and sinks into Adanni’s stomach. A shout of surprise and she hears movement, Cousland and Arainai now taking advantage of the sudden shift.   
  
Adanni groans as Valaria pulls the dagger like blade out of her stomach and she makes a move as she’s about to cast that one spell that Valaria knows will smother her fire.

She doesn’t give her a chance.

The dagger edged blade of her staff goes into the throat of Adanni, cutting her off and with a swipe ending everything else of Adanni. She watches as the woman’s body falls to ground.    
  
Pallas makes a grab for her, but this mage was never taught how to handle her magic, and her staff glows and she engulfs the mage next to her in fire as she sends out a fireball at Tomas. 

As Arianai and Cousland handle the others, she walks over to where Tomas is now crawling on the ground, hampered by a cut on his leg, and the burns she inflicted. 

She takes her time, feeling a rush as she finally is doing what she has longed to do for years. She reaches him easily, and with one push of her foot, turns over the now bleeding, burned Tomas.

“May you rot in the Void,” she snarls, and just like Adanni, forgoes her magic, using the blade she now is very glad she attached to the bottom of her staff a few years back, to end his life. 

Glancing up she sees one more Crow, sneaking up behind Coulsand and Arainai, who just downed the other remaining two. She sends out a lightning strike to that Crow, killing him instantly. 

The three of them that remain- her, Cousland, Arainai just simply stare at each other. She closes her eyes and wills her fire ring to extinguish.  
  
She opens them and meets the gazes of the two men in front of her. Arainai has an odd look of satisfaction on his face. 

“Debt repaid.” She says simply and then starts to walk away. She has a House to return to. She’ll find a way to explain this...for the first time ever she may have to lie. 

“Wait,” Cousland calls out, his voice still rough. Is it always rough?   
  
“We can help you,” Arainai says gently.   
  
She stops, pauses, then turns. She assesses them both.   
  
Cousland is poised, ready to strike she sees, not quite trusting. She doesn’t blame him. But Arainai, he’s just standing there, offering help.

“How?”   
  
“We can take--”   
  
She shakes her head. “They have a phylactery- just like Circle mages. No matter where you could take me… they’ll find me.” 

Without giving them a chance to rebut, she walks away. 

It would be a few months before she would finally get a chance to do something… once more it was due to Arainai and Cousland. And their thinking ahead. 

In the future, she would end up hugging them both, causing Cousland to sputter, and Arainai to laugh.    
  



	26. Becoming A Shadow... And The Risk That Comes With It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valaria D'Evaliste joins Zevran's rebellion. 
> 
> Two years into it- the danger that comes with being a Shadow appears.

**Three Months Later**

**9:33- 23 years Old**

 

She’s on pins and needles. 

She needs to get word out to Arainai and Cousland, somehow. But she’s been closely watched since she returned. 

The Guildmaster and Talon didn’t even wait to hear her version of the events, so she didn’t even have to lie. They simply assumed that the two men found a way to kill off the group, and considering they did kill a few of them and they did let her escape, all she had to do was nod.

She was still punished, but there didn’t seem to be much effort behind it. But they kept an eye on her since. She hadn’t been sent out on other contracts since she returned.

One pair of eyes on her was an assassin who transferred to House D’Evaliste just a month ago. She kept feeling his eyes on her, following her. He tried to eat his meals with her, but that reminded her of Deyros and she refused to acknowledge him. 

Another contract is being formed. Apparently despite the fact that the Crows won’t kill Wardens, Warden Commander Cousland (or just Warden, information that was dug up revealed he gave the title to a Nathaniel Howe) was the exception to the rule, as he was with the one former Crow they desperately wanted dead. 

House Arainai, House D’Evaliste, and House Lanos, they were all behind the contract, and this latest group being assigned. Arainai and Cousland were currently in Denerim- it was going to happen there.

She needed to get word. Just… because. 

Because Zevran broke free from the leash and cage she was unable to. 

Envy reared it’s ugly head, but it also shared room with admiration and respect, which returned once she stopped beating herself up for being so slow and blind. 

She paces back and forth in the mage dormitory, trying to figure out what exactly she could do and coming up with nothing. She could try to send word to them, but then she’d probably get caught doing so. 

“Ugh,” she growls, running her hands through her mess of hair, and then grabbing her staff. She needed more space to think. 

She yanks open her dorm, and leaves. As she passes the other dorms, a hand suddenly clamps on her arm and her mouth, muffling her yelp. 

“Shhhhh.”   
  
It’s the assassin that’s been watching her, trying to get to her engaged with him. 

“It’s okay, I’m not going to hurt you,” he says softly. “So don’t try to burn me up or anything. I came with an offer to help.”   
  
“Help with what?” She snaps, once his hand drops.   
  
“Zevran and Cousland need all the sources they can get,” he says quietly and she stills. “When I told them I was being transferred temporarily to House D'Evaliste they said to keep an eye out for you. That you can be turned, that you can help.”   
  
She blinks, and a part of her wants to say yes, yes, yes… but….

“I know, you’re thinking this is a trap. A test. I assure you it is not, but asurrances can only do so much. Give me something to work with and I’ll prove it.”   
  
She bites her lip. “Their planning an attack in Denerim. At the palace. All three Houses are sending a few of their own.”   
  
The man nods. “I’ll charm my way into that attack then. I’ll make sure it fails.”    
  


 

 

 

  
  
********  
2 Weeks Later**

**9:33**

**23 years old- She joins the Shadows officially.**

 

  
It failed.    
  
Horribly.    
  
Only two Crows returned. One to House Lanos.

And the one that talked to her. 

His name is Seviri di Bastion. Legacy descendant.  He joined Arainai’s and Cousland’s cause against the Crows, after Zevran spared him during an attack, noticing his hesitation to strike against them. Turned out he was the half brother to someone Arainai and Cousland saved during the Blight. It was not just for that reason though why he had joined Zevran Arainai's fight.    


And they were talking again, just now, in between two empty sheds. 

“Arainai and Cousland are trying to get access to a Stronghold,” he says to her. “The one the Guildmaster is going to be sending you to. I need the location coordinates.”   
  
It’s one she’s been too many times so far, so it’s not trouble. After a moment, she writes out the coordinates on a slip of parchment and hands it to him.  
  
He blinks in surprise.   
  
She smiles. “They keep sending me there every few months.”    
  
“I see.”    
  
She frowns. “Why?”   
  
“Why what?”   
  
“Why are you doing this? I mean other than your reasons. How do you...why do you…”   
  
He seems to understand what she’s asking. “Because. The Crows ceased being what they were originally meant to be. Because what they do.. To make their assassins? It’s wrong. There aren’t many of us.. But there are some of us. Arainai and Cousland, they’re making it possible. They’re going to change things.”   
  
“They’re going to destroy the Crows.”   
  
“Do you care?”   
  
She stills. Does she care? She remembers the history lesson the first two weeks she was here. How Antiva needs the Crows, how the Crows help Antiva with their defense. Then their continued lessons, on the history of the House, the history of Antiva, the Crows.. everything. 

Maybe Antiva needs to learn a new way of doing things.

Her bright green eyes meet pale brown ones. Filled with resolution 

“No.” 

  
  
  


  
******

**9:33**   
**A Month Later**

**House D’Evaliste Stronghold in Rialto**

**23 years old**   
  
  
  


She races down the stairwells, herding the children down the to the basement. 

An attack is happening. Several Crows already started running about- they noticed it too late. While they ran around like chickens with their heads cut off, she ran and gathered the children. 

She also made sure to leave instructions to a hidden passage. A couple Crows were down holed up in a little room. Those two down there deserve some nasty surrpises. 

Despite everything she’s learned… she still has her reservations. Which is why she’s trying to get the kids out of the line of fire so to speak.

  
She may be throwing her lot in with Arainai and Cousland, but like the void is she going all in just on a few promises and a few scrawled notes. 

It’s about an hour of trying to calm down scared kids… something she’s not really all that great with??? (Who knew, kids don’t like dancing fire…. Apparently she was a weird kid.) when she hears a clatter of feet, and the unmistakable sound of bodies dropping to the floor and death groans.

A door opens wildly, and she reacts. Fireball. 

“Merde!”    
  
A curse and two bodies hit the floor before the fireball hits the target. When the smoke clears she looks at Cousland and Arainai who are getting back up. She sees Arainai’s daggers spark- hmm, he has runes in them. 

“How many kids?” Cousland growls.   
“Fifteen.”   
  
“We got everyone, including the ones in the passage you left for us,” Zevran grins and she rocks back on her heels. “Well done, thank you. Come on, lets get these kids and go. We have a boat waiting for us.”   
  
She holds up a hand. “Where are you taking them?”   
  
“Orlais. Conveniently, one of the Chantry’s there suddenly got a large donation to add a wing to their orphanage,” Zevran says with a drawl, his Antivan accent heavy. “As long as those children are deposited there within three days, the Revered Mother is quite willing to take on some Ferelden refugees.”    


Cousland roughly hands her a document, and she reads it quickly- a letter from a Revered Mother, thanking the Chancellor(????) of Ferelden for his generous donation, and that they would of course be willing to take in the poor children that are in need of a new life.

“We’ll make sure you get more proof- maybe a letter from one of these kids here?” Zevran suggests.

“I’ll write it!” One of the oldest pipes up. 

She looks from the letter to Arainai, to Cousland, back to Aranai, back to Cousland.    
  
Well fuck, she’s all in.

With that decided, she takes two steps and pulls Cousland into the strongest hug her short self can manage, smiling at the sputtering coming from the man and the laughter from Arainai..

 

**9:35  
** **Halfway through Haring**

 

Valaria watches from her spot as one of the Allentores are instructing some of the children.

She shifts on her feet. Something is in the air. Something….tense. More so than before. It could be nothing, it could be everything. House D’Evaliste has been an ugly mess of tension and anger for the past two years…

The two years that she had become a Shadow, of helping Zevran undermine the Crows, of assisting Seviri. She had joined the Shadows after a tumultuous time, Seviri the only original Shadow standing after the mess and chaos of it in the beginning.

She and Seviri were able to do a lot together for the few months he was with House D’Evaliste , thanks to him telling the Guildmaster he can work with her. The Guildmaster seemed relieved, to finally have someone willing to work with her, since most of her partners on contracts were usually only able to tolerate it for no more than two contracts. Then after he transferred back to di Bastion, she got to meet another Shadow, who took his place.

She did what she was trained for- to kill and to assist, but she also worked in the shadows.

She sees the whip lash out then, and she shakes off her thoughts, and strides forward. Not knowing, not knowing that in the space of minutes her life would change.

  
  


**************

 

  
“Tell us what you know! Insolent brat.”  
  
She spits on the man that just hit her, and he hits her once more, sending her to the ground. A half hour ago, she had been dragged from her fight with the Allentores, and into the Guildmaster's study. She soon found out why.   
  
They found out. 

  
They found out she was working for Zevran, and had been determined to get answers out of her. 

Smacks, spells, and other various methods, used on her. Her body aching, sore, her mind screaming at the pain but due to her training, giving them no way of seeing that they were hurting her. They had broken her staff earlier, right in front of her, and she felt the horrible tug of her magic protesting it. 

A cold hand grasps her, covering her with ice magic before she’s hauled back. The questions continue and despite everything, she refuses. The training she went through, is now backfiring.

"Tell us! Names! Tell us who else is helping the traitor!"  
  
"Fuck. You." She manages to snarl out in her exhaustion and pain, feeling the blood trickle down her arm. On the side of her head. Her cheek.   
  
Another smack. She spits out blood on them. 

“Perhaps you’ll be more easier to question after he gets through with you,” a snarled voice says and she looks to see who else joins the room.

Valaria catches sight of the armor. Her blood goes cold.

_Templar._  
  
“Smite her.” **  
  
****  
**


	27. Freedom

**9:35-**

**On A Boat Crossing The Ocean-Destination Amaranthine**

**25 years Old**

**2 Hours After The Smiting**

  
  


She shivers as the Warden healer attempts to take care of her. Everything hurts, and the voyage is not helping and they have no proper mage healer on this boat. 

She’s on her way to Vigils Keep, Kaden whispered to her as they helped her up on the boat. The Wardens of Antiva are willing to escort her there.

She’s too exhausted, too hurt to argue it. She doesn’t want to trust the Antivan Wardens but they’ve been nothing but kind and gentle to her, even after she sent a weak fireball at one by reflex.   
  


_ "Smite her." A cold cruel voice ordered.  _

_**No..** Think of other things. _

The Shadows. Seviri. The others. Those who wanted to bring change into Crows, those who got tired of seeing and dealing with abuse and horror.  Those who wanted to fight back against the Guild, their House, against a life they didn't choose or want but was forced up on them. 

Zevran and Kaden Cousland. 

Zevran, who she was beginning to call Sparky- basically the second he called her Firecracker, was the opposite of the quiet, dark, brooding human with those eyes that carried a haunted look. Zevran was bright,  with smiles and laughter in their very few encounters. He charmed and was like a soothing presence to the very violent prone Cousland. But she saw the haunted look in Zevran’s eyes too. 

She heard the story when she was on loan to House Arainai for a month.  Betrayal. Manipulated into killing his lover, took the Contract because others believed he wanted to be a Master.    
  
They were proven wrong indeed. 

Those two men, with a few words of encouragement, helped her start tugging at that leash. 

The only thing that prevented her from ultimately trying to break it- the phylactery. 

Her thoughts are jostled when someone sits down on the bed, and she curls into her body, trying to will her magic. But she’s exhausted, drained, aching, sore, inside and out. She  _hurts._

_Being Smited by a Templar before being interrogated will do that._

_"Smite her."_  
  
She freezes, and before she can try to move, she sees a light forming around the templar and then...  

_A flash of  bright light, and a fire like strike hits her body. Fire like, but not... nothing like the fire that lives under her skin and whispers to her. No, this is burning and sizzling through her, making her magic, her fire shriek in her mind, as the mana is drained from her.  
_

_Pain wracks through her body as she falls to the floor, and her mind is screaming, as it continues to travel through her._

_Everything in her is wrecked, her skin feels like it has been burnt, even though she sees no burn marks, even with the pain clouding her vision. She tries to move, to stretch her fingers out, to will her fire to come to her, but nothing comes except pain._

“I am sorry,” the warden says gently. “Please, drink this, it will allow you to sleep.”  
  
“No.. noo…” She murmurs.   
  
“Sleep will help regain your magic, your mana. I know you are afraid to do so, but we will do no harm.”  
  
 _Kaden and Zevran trust them_ ,  _enough to get them to take you aware from here._ her mind whispers weakly. _Trust them in return._

She knew being a source, turning on the Crows would be dangerous. Someone _must_ have spotted something, e saw something, somehow.

The fact she was alive was because of fate. Or Chance. Or luck. Serivi, who’s cover had remained in intact, had found out that that someone had evidence of her betrayal and reached out to Kaden and Zevran, telling them to get to the main estate of House D’Evaliste as soon as possible. 

Luckily both the men were in Antiva, and not that far away. 

Any longer...she may have died.  
  
Especially if the Templar had gotten the chance to smite her again. 

Kaden and Zevran had found a way to sneak into the main stronghold of a House, evade notice, rescue her, and then before they left, she directed them to the Guildmaster’s study.

If they were going to take her away, then she needed something done. 

Moments later, the two men had found the phylactery box, found a way past the mechanism and got it to open in just a couple minutes.  
  
All she could do was point a shaky finger, and say “Smash them.”    
  
She passed out once she heard all the vials break. 

Her leash was finally destroyed.

She was free. 

Valaria’s eyes landed on the potion the Antivan Warden has softly asked her to drink moments ago. 

“Warden Destartes?”    
  
She can barely move at the voice.    
  
“Yes?”   
  
“We’re officially on our way. We should be arriving in Ferelden in four nights time.”   
  
“Thank you.”   
  
“Will.. will she be all right?”   
  
“It takes time to recover from a smiting,” the warden responds. “And whatever else they did to her. She’ll have plenty of time to recover at Vigils Keep.”   
_   
Vigils Keep. Where the Wardens in Ferelden were stationed.  _

_ “We’ll let Howe and the others know,” Cousland had whispered in her ear as they carefully brought her up on the bridge, pretty much carrying her. “You’ll be safe there.” _   
  
Safe. 

Her phylactery smashed, and she’s now on her way to a place called Vigils Keep.

She decides to try to trust that those two men, the men that gave her the tools she needed and helped her would not give her to people who would betray them.

She reaches forward and drinks the potion.

As sleep comes, she is content for now that right at this moment...

She is free. 


	28. Three Months Later

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valaria, at Vigils Keep, tries to adjust.

**9:36**

**Vigils Keep**

**Amaranthine**

**15th of Drakonis**

 

 

 

She was going stir crazy.

Three months here in Vigils Keep.

One month of it was her pretty much keeping to the room that a very no nonsense human man of the name Nathaniel Howe had given her. She didn’t dare step out for a month, happy that a wash room was connected to her quarters so she could wash up without having to leave.

She melted the window shut too, so it couldn’t open.

She just...she couldn’t help but wait for it to happen. For some Crow to come striding into her room and take her.

She didn’t even have her staff-

They had broken it when she was being interrogated.

Kaden Couslands, Warden Commander Kaden Cousland,  showed up a month later, not entirely happy to be there, and told her it was safe to come out. From the whispers after he left, apparently him even showing up here was something that rarely happened. 

She was somewhat ashamed it took her so long to do so, so she tried… to compensate for that.

She was introduced to most of the Wardens here- Howe was just so serious and barely cracked a smile, except at Velanna, a rather...well brash Dalish elf. Then there was so many others.

Kaden Cousland  told her she was to stay here as long as she felt she needed, and then when ready he and Zevran would find a place to put her. She couldn’t help them infiltrate Crows anymore, or anything like that and she had absolutely no desire to even step foot on Antivan soil at the moment.

Now two months later, three months into her stay…

She was going stir crazy.

She was also _bored._

She needed something to _do._

She also needed to figure out what else she wanted to do.. She had a choice.

_A choice._

She never really had that before. A choice to make where no ones lives hung in the balance.

A choice of her own making. Without the consequences of others.

It was thrilling, it was a rush whenever she thought it. It was exciting.

It was also scary.

She didn’t like it being  scary.

“Miss D’Evaliste?”  
  
She starts at the sudden voice,and by reflex, she sends a fireball which… pretty much misses, wildly. It’s an indication of how much she is so unsettled, unnerved. Her magic very rarely misses.   
  
She hears a few yells as it apparently hits something though.

  
No one’s coming out screaming, on fire, so it’s fine.   
  
She was still stuck with the name, as she was definitely not going to return to Trida. After all Sparky kept Arainai, so she was going keep D’Evaliste.

She shakes away her thoughts to see so serious Howe standing there.

“What?” She asks grumpily.   
  
“Velanna mentioned you have been muttering about a staff. You do not have one, and it’s clear, you need one.”   
  
Yes, she would like to have one. But she has no money, no way of paying to get one.

“Yes, well unless you can suddenly make coin appear in my hands Howe, then I doubt very much--” She trails off as she sees a leather pouch that rattles.

  
“This was delivered by Cousland and Arainai when they were informed.” Howe drops the coin pouch in her hand, and then a note in her other.

  
She read the note.

_Firecracker_

_We’ve already asked much of Vigils Keep to house you and protect you, so this is our way of making sure you get anything else you need. Until you make your decision on what you want to do with you life, we will ensure you will not suffer from need._

_Make sure not to spend it all at once though,_ _  
_ _Zevran._

_And Kaden, even though my Amor is being his usual self._

“I can.. Buy something of my own?” She asks, trying to clarify.

Howe frowns. “Yes. That is the meaning of the letter.”  
  
“So.. this money is basically mine?”   
  
He looks a little confused by her questioning and she wants to hit him. Or zap him. “Yes.”   
  
“To spend anywhere I choose?”   
  
Howe blinks. “Yes….”   
  
“And they’re not expecting me to pay them back? I mean they didn’t say it..” She just wanted to really understand this, why is he confused?

Having her own money just felt so...weird.   
  
“Well, Miss D’Evaliste, if they didn’t state the intention to pay it back, then it is yours. Simple really.”   
  
She scowls, and decides she wasn’t really going to bother asking HIM anymore questions if he was going to respond like that.   
  
“Come along, Valaria,” Velanna comes up to her side, glaring at Howe. “I will show you where the mage stall owner is, so you can buy your new staff.”   
  
“I don’t--”   
  
“I will explain later,” Velanna says shortly and Valaria’s nose twitch.

Lovers quarrel.

 

 

 

*********

 

 

  
  
An hour later and she had her very first, bought staff. It was simple- Like a shepard’s crook, only the crook was made from Druffalo’s horns and dyed a dark black, and the shaft was blue with some elvish writing on it that she’ll ask Velanna about later. It also had a silverite blade attached at the base. And it was three feet taller than her- a downside, but it was light in her hand. It had called to her, tugged at her magic with everything when she laid her eyes on it.

She bought it.   
  
Ten sovereigns.   
  
The pouch definitely had at least ten, she sort of choked when she saw how much was in there.

How do people have that much money to give away????

She also stopped at one more vendor in the market place that Vigils Keep had. A piece of armor that had caught her eyes and made her make a beeline for it.

She saw the looks of confusion when she bought it, from the stall owner and from Velanna.

Valaria understood- she was purchasing an arm guard that archers used. But for a good reason.

Velanna frowns at her as they head back and she leans against the stone wall by the staircase.

“What are you going to do with that?” Velanna asks in her sharp voice, as she unlaces the arm guard. “I mean you are a mage, that won’t….” Velanna trails off as Valaria straightens her left arm, where her brand is visible. Very visible.

“What is that?” Velanna whispers, her eyes flashing.  
  
“The only reminder I currently have that I do not want to see.” Valaria sighs. “And it cannot be removed by simply anyone, and since I doubt i ever will see that person again, I will have to do something, so this is what I will do.”

“The Crows did this to you?” Velanna asks, her voice rising.  
  
“Yes.”   
  
Anger literally vibrates through the taller elf and Valaria offers a resigned smile but doesn’t bother to try offer any words that may help with that. Nothing will. She’s still angry but she can’t do anything but this. At least she isn’t getting pity from Velanna. She saw some of the looks others inside had when they noticed it. Sigrun was the only one other than Velanna  that didn’t flinch at it.

She slips the brace on, and rests it over the brand, and starts to tie the laces. A hand reaches out and quietly helps her tie them until the [guard ](https://i.etsystatic.com/6850893/r/il/875ee9/586893798/il_642xN.586893798_oi4k.jpg)settles over her like another piece just for her.

It’s all she can do right now- to cover it and hope it will be enough.


	29. A Decision For A New Path

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valaria decides to Join.

**20th Of Drakonis  
** **9:36**

 

 

  
The thrill of a new staff, of exploring more of Vigils Keep, having some money of her own, being able to do what she wants, starts to wear off. Especially on thoughts of what to do next plague her.

At first she debates about going to Kinloch Hold, the Mage Circle here in Ferelden. Perhaps going there and actually learning proper mage stuff, but then she hears the story about what happened there during the Blight.

**Fuck. That.**

Despite having the benefit of doing something, anything she wants, she’s also limited in a way. Ferelden has a harsher look on mages than most do. Amaranthine is still rebuilding and recovering from being burned (That was one hell of a story). 

All she has at her disposal is an attitude, fire magic, and other skills trained by the Crows. 

Plus add in her absolute refusal to be a burden on anyone. Vigils Keep has been kind enough to shelter her, and Kaden and Zevran with their support of her-- but she should not let it continue. How can she stand on her own  two feet, be an actual person if she has to continue to rely on the kindness of others to help her do that?    
  
Plus the whole mage thing just really made it worse on what she CAN do.    
  
Kinloch Hold may suck, but do all the Circles? 

She wants to do something. She’s bored as hell and she wants to do something that’s.. Well good. Can she be good in return? Can she turn her gifts into something useful beyond being used to kill people?    
  
Maybe she can go to Denerim, return the debt she feels to Kaden and Zevran by working for the King? He has mages in the palace. Besides, he’ll also need protecting… 

 

 

 

******

**(9:36- Last few days of Drakonis)**

 

  
  
Something’s going on at the Keep. 

  
A few people came to the Keep a couple days ago, and now they’re gettng ready to go out, armed to the teeth- and two Wardens are going with them- Velanna and a warrior, with a big long sword. 

She spotted them in the marketplace, buying a few things, and she stops by one stall.

“What’s going on?”   
  
“Warden recruits,” she nods to the ones standing near Velanna and the warrior. “They go out to find darkspawn, kill them and then do some sort of ritual that makes them officially Wardens. At least that’s what we’ve gleaned over the past few years.”   
  
Her boredom is definitely lifted now. Darkspawn.    
  
“There’s still plenty of Darkspawn around here for that?”   
  
The woman nods. “Some blighted areas near her, and before you get to Amaranthine. Every now then a group of them comes up, causes some trouble before they get killed. Despite the burning here, Wardens are a good sort. They do what they can to protect us and fight those creatures. Even if some of their measures are extreme… but burning us saved us, despite what some ungrateful shits think.” 

An idea forms.

 

 

********************

 

  
  
Velanna stares at her like she’s insane.    
  
She probably is. With all the things she’s had to go through, deal with.. She’s probably a little.. Oh off kilter? 

“You’re telling me you want to join these recruits as a recruit, and become a Warden because you’re bored, have nothing better to do and think becoming a Warden is what you’re meant for?”   
  
Well, that and a few other things but…”Yes.”   
  
The warrior snorts. “She’s nuts.”    
  
“Shut up, Berrick.” 

“Eh, I probably am...which means do you really think it’s wise to tell a fire mage that she is?” Valaria smiles,  rocking back on her heels as she lets her fire dance once more on her fingers. The warrior flinches and steps away.

Velanna’s eyes narrow. “I know what you are doing."    
  
“Hmmmm?”   
  
Velanna looks like she wants to smile, so Valaria just gives her a bigger one. 

“It is your choice, Valaria,” she says sternly. “But it’s one you must be serious about. It’s not something you can come back from.”   
  
Her choice. 

_ Her choice. _ __   
  


Exactly.    
  
Kaden and Zevran helped give her the tools to fight for her freedom, and with their help was able to break free from the chains of the Crows (well minus one chain currently hidden). As much as she likes to think she paid back her debt to them, she hasn’t.    
  
This is not just about repaying a debt though, not about being bored with nothing to do (Although that is just a part of that- she is dreadfully bored and going out to kill Darkspawn has to be a good way to take care of that.) but also because  the Wardens are not the Crows. They are the furthest thing from it in her mind.    
  
No doubt they have their own dark shit to deal with- they fight Darkspawn and are really freaking secretive- she’s unable to access half of Vigils Keep because of it. So there’s probably and most definitely some downsides to them and no doubt she’ll be exposed to it all once this Darkspawn killing thing and this other ritual is done, but the main thing is …

Despite everything, she WANTS to do it. And it is her CHOICE to do it. 

“This is what I want.”   
  
“To join the Wardens.”   
  
She nods. “My choice.”   
  
A gleam appears in Velanna’s eyes and Valaria wonders if the Dalish mage is wondering what Valaria is trying to get across. 

“Fine. You have a half hour to get a vial, get some armor of some sort, and then join us here.” 

She never moved so fast in her life. 

  
  


******************

  
  
The Darkspawn made her freeze for like a minute. 

It wasn’t their looks or the screeches or the growls or anything.

It was the awful stench coming from them. 

Dead they smell even worse. 

Which he says and gets a lot of weird looks in return from the other recruits as they all try to fill their vial with Darkspawn blood.    
  
“What? They do?”    
  
“Their monsters that want to destroy the surface and all you can say is they smell bad?”   
  
She hears a snort of laughter from Velanna.

“They do.”   
  
She hears the word crazy after that.

If these idiots had to deal with the hell that she had to deal with since she was nine, then they wouldn’t think that. 

These Darkspawn were barely a nightmare to her. Plus she saw them in Denerim. Now that was definitely close to being a nightmare of sorts but she was more concerned about staying alive at the time.    
  


 

 

*****************

 

  
  
“EMISSARY!”    
  
Now this was a challenge! And a new thing! She didn’t see _ *these  _ before. 

And from the sounds that Velanna and the warrior made, apparently they weren’t supposed to be running into this type of Darkspawn. 

Magic wielding Darkspawn. 

Her fire came in handy with this one, plus the occasional lightning strike.    
  
It was work, it  was dirty work, it was challenging work, it was… 

It was _  fun. _

It got close too. She got hit a couple times and man, those things packed a wallop. 


	30. A New Path- A Warden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valaria becomes a Warden.

**30th Of Drakonis**

**9:36**

 

  
They head towards the Joining room as she heard the warrior call it. They had come back to the Keep, disheveled, dirty, drained, vials filled with Darkspawn blood.    
  
Howe reacted to her presence among them with shock. 

“Velanna?!”    
  
“She wants to Join.”   
  
“But this was not what they sent her--”   
  
“This is her decision, Nathaniel,” Velanna interrupts. “Her life, not theirs, not anyone’s. Her decision, her choice, her path. She killed plenty of Darkspawn, helped me take down an Emissary- she has earned her right to Join.”    
  
Howe clenches his jaw and turns to her. “Do you understand what your choice means, Valaria D’Evaliste?”   
  
She glares at him. “It means I’m taking control of what I want to do, and that even with your stick up your ass attitude, I still want to join this Order, and help you all out with Amaranthine and the Darkspawn. If you’re going to be an ass to someone like that, I can certainly go to another Order and do so, and then you’ll all be sorely missing my lovely company.” She pauses. “So how about you at least attempt to remove some of that stick that’s up your ass and accept it?”

Seconds pass by and she dares to glance at Velanna, this sharp tongued mage that everyone but Howe seems to be wary of but respect. A Dalish that doesn’t appear to be anything like the stories she vaguely recalls from the stories she heard in the Alienage. 

Velanna looks… proud? Is that it? Howe turns to Velanna and she watches as they have their own conversation of sorts, no words exchange, but she notes a couple slight hand gestures that not many would see, a barely visible nod and the tension just seems to drop from Howe. 

“Very well, welcome to the Wardens, and we will gladly accept you in the Joining,” Howe says finally and she relaxes a little. “Come along recruits, lets start this,” he and the warrior, Berrick, open the wide doors, waving them in. 

As she files past them with the others, she recalls what he was saying before Velanna interrupted him, *“ _ This is not why they sent her---”* _

No, that’s correct. Kaden and Zevran didn’t send her here to become a Warden. They sent her to recover, and take the time to figure out what to do with her life, under the safety of Vigils Keep. 

She’s done just that. 

Howe takes their vials, and then tells them to line up around the large crest in the room. There’s seven of them, eight including hers. Velanna and Berrick  standing on opposite sides. 

As they wait, she keeps rocking back on her heels. It's way too quiet for her liking and in her nervousness her fire lights up just a little at her fingertips. 

The two people she's in between flinch.

She rolls her eyes.

Soon, Howe comes in with a large chalice. And her magic tingles. It tugs. It shudders.

She sees the dark liquid in there, and she  _ knows.  _

The Darkspawn blood they collected is in there. She also senses lyrium.

So, the Wardens do some sort of Blood Magic in this ritual?

A part of her wants to ask so many questions running through her head right now, but something tells her to be quiet and ask later. But she’s not entirely put off by the whole blood magic bit. She’s worked with a few blood mages- seen some blood magic. All of it definitely a bit creepy and unsettling and not quite right. She’d never go and try it herself- she has no wish to cut herself to cast magic, she’s not going to judge here.  
  
Magic is magic.    


Her own magic has caused as much death and destruction as any blood mage could. 

As Howe comes to stand in the middle of them, Velanna and the warrior come to stand at his right and left side. 

"The Grey Wardens were founded during the First Blight. When humanity stood on the verge of annihilation. They discovered a ritual through trial and error, desperation and desire to end the Blight fueling them," Howe speaks, his usually dry and filled with sarcasm voice is now solemn and deep. It keeps her attention. "And so it was that the created a power concoction- made with Darkspawn blood and master the taint of the Darkspawn and defeat them."

She hears swallows from others, but she doesn't even react, all she can do is listen, fascinated.

"As the First Wardens did before us, and we did before you. This is the source of our power, and our victory."

_ Fascinating. _

"Those that survive the Joining,"

Survive? Oh, blood magic. Yes, risk. Definite risk. Especially with Darkspawn blood and whatever else. 

"Become immune to the taint, we can sense it in the Darkspawn, and use it to slay the Archdemon," the warrior, Berrick, says firmly. 

"Velanna say the words that have been said since the first, please." 

"Join us brothers and sister, join us in the shadows where we stand vigilant. Join us as we carry the duty that cannot be forsworn. And should you perish, know that your sacrifice will not be forgotten. And that one day we shall join you." 

Her heart pounds. 

Well.. she thinks she now knows what Howe was objecting to. The Joining is risky, a possible chance of death.

_ "They did not send her here..." _

Yeah, she gets it. 

She doesn't care though. 

She made her choice, and if she dies, then it is by her choice. Not by anyone's hand, not by anyone's whim. 

"Step forward, Valaria D'Evaliste," Velanna calls out. 

She does not hesitate. 

Her choice. 

Plus she was bored. 

But over all.. her choice. 

She takes the Chalice, large in her small hands. She meets Velanna's gaze, and the Dalish elf just nods. 

"You are called upon to submit yourself to the taint," Velanna says sharply, but her voice carries something else. "For the greater good," she adds. "Drink, and from this moment forth you are a Grey Warden."

She takes a breath.

_Her choice_

She drinks.  


 

******

**Late Day- 1st of Cloudreach**

**9:36**

She retches into a bowl seconds after waking up, and she feels gentle hands pulling back her hair. She sort of twinges at that- the only people she’s let touch her hair if she could help it were the bed partners she had. 

She feels wrung out, and the dreams she had were not any better. It was like the Fade plus some more weird shit and the fact she could remember it was telling.

She raises her head from the bowl and sees another elf, with golden brown hair, and some tattoos like Velanna’s. 

She’s seen him around a couple times. A healer. 

She instinctively avoided him, unable to stop herself from doing so.

“Hello Valaria,” he says with a slight smile. A door opens then and they both instantly look to see who is entering. 

Velanna and Howe. 

“I see she is awake,” Howe nods. “I’ll send word to Cousland and Arainai.” He gives her a look, and she feels like she is being assessed. “Welcome to the Order,” he adds before turning and walking out.

  
“I have this Surana,” Velanna says as she comes further in. “Go and check on the others. I heard sounds of stirring as I passed.”   
  
The mage, Surana, straightens. 

Valaria watches him walk away, cursing herself for being so wary, and Velanna takes a seat in the chair. 

“You look as wrung out as I did when I woke from my Joining.” Velanna pauses. “We tend to suffer a bit differently from the others in the process.”    
  
“Because of the mage thing?” Valaria asks, feeling a bit irritable and grumpy now. Of course because of the mage thing. The mage thing  was behind everything with her. 

“Because of the mage thing.”    
  
“So..I’m a Warden now yes?”   
  
Velanna smiles. “Yes.” She then reaches out and something dangles from her hand. A pendant on a chain, a dark pendant. 

“This is your Warden’s Oath. A reminder of the sacrifice you just made, one every Warden wears. It has some of that Darkspawn blood in it, do not worry. It is safe in there. If someone that is not a Warden touches it they will be fine.”    
  
Valaria reaches out and takes it, smoothing a finger over the slightly warm pendant. A symbol of the choice she made, of a new life, a new path that is now laid out before her. 

She’s gathered a few of those now- Her new staff, her arm guard, and now this. 

This was important, and she’ll make sure to never let it fall from her grasp. She holds the pendant for a moment, then slides the chain over her neck, and the pendant rests against her heart.    
  
“Welcome to the Wardens, sister,” Velanna says softly, the sharp and somewhat harsh demeanor of the mage in front of her not quite so sharp and harsh right now. Sister. 

Unlike with the Crows, and their talk of ‘family’, this doesn’t feel false or corrupted. 

  
She recalls the words that the Grey Warden she once bedded a few years back told her that night during one of his stories, and the words spill out.    
  
“In War, Victor, in Peace, Vigilance, In Death, Sacrifice.”

Velanna nods. “Right now, we stand Vigilant, always. We protect, we defend, we do what we can and what we must to fight the Darkspawn threat, Blight or no.” 

  
_ We do what we must… _

More similar words, but different meanings. 

“Thank you for letting me do this,” Valaria says quietly.    
  
“It was your choice. I was not going to deny anyone the right of making their own choice.”    
  
“I was also bored,” Valaria adds, earning a short laugh.

“Of course.” 

As Valaria cleans up in the wash room, she decides. Yesterday she drank. She Joined. This is her new day of birth- She had forgotten her original day of birth, having marked the time by the day she remembered leaving with Tomas. 

She has chosen a new life, and she was reborn as  Warden the night she drank.

She smiles. Next year, on the thirtieth of Drakonis, she will be twenty six.

Valaria finds herself liking that. 

New life, new day. New start. 


End file.
